So, like many readers of Daily Kos, I was flabbergasted by the sheer stupidity of the remarks from Joe Lieberman, Tony Snow, Darth Cheney (and others) following the failed terrorist plot in Britain. Somehow, this episode "proves" that we need to stay the course in Iraq? Because... why? Our presence in Iraq prevented this plot?
If we leave now, it will "embolden the enemy?" Clearly we can't have that! If they were emboldened, they might try to blow up a bunch of planes! Where have reason and logic gone? This diary is an examination of Republican reasoning.
In fact, just last night, I wrote a letter to the New York Times (which is, of course, a nearly pointless exercise). For what it's worth:
To the Editor:
In the weeks leading up to the Connecticut primary election, there was tremendous speculation among pundits, trying to understand why the voters were turning to Ned Lamont, and away from the incumbent Joe Lieberman. Today's comments from Lieberman regarding the foiled terrorist attacks in Britain ("Lieberman Seizes on Terror Arrests to Attack Rival," news story, August 10) explain things more clearly and concisely than any political analyst could ever manage.
We have seen yet another Al Quaeda-style plot, nearly brought to fruition. In defiance of all reason, Mr. Lieberman somehow sees this as proof that the United States must "stay the course" in Iraq. And his comments are remarkably similar to comments made by Tony Snow and Dick Cheney, both on the same day.
It is no mystery why Connecticut voters believe Mr. Lieberman has lost contact with reality concerning Iraq. Nor is it a mystery why they consider him far too cozy with the Bush administration.
<signed> Me
Naturally, our friends at the Times didn't reply. No big deal, par for the course. Then, today, I read this story, which was front-paged at the Times for a while. In the story, Republicans are simply giddy - giddy! - about this new terrorist plot.
Republicans seized on the arrests of terrorism suspects in Britain yesterday to bolster a White House campaign to turn national security issues to their advantage this fall, arguing that the nation needs tough Republican policies to protect Americans from threats from abroad.
Once again, as with the train explosion in Spain, the terrible school shootings in Russia, etc., we see the same twisted reasoning: This terrorist attack shows that we cannot change our strategy! And each day that passes without a terrorist attach also shows that we cannot change our strategy. I swear, at this point, I felt like one of those old alien computers on Star Trek. Kirk has just presented me with some conundrum and my poor logical mind cannot cope. "Women! Can't live with them, can't live without them! Compute!! My arms start flailing, smoke comes out my ears, and I explode. The primitive society that relies on me for their basic needs is henceforth screwed...
Thus, I decided that what I really needed, for my own edification, was to develop an analogy. The problem is that you cannot often have reasoned, logical discussions with people about Iraq or terrorism - there are too many emotional landmines, talking points, or other impediments to clear thinking. Here is what I developed. Feel free to modify and share it as you wish. My sincere hope is that, by reframing the essential elements of the Iraq occupation in new terms, we might help people see the logical trap.
I have entitled my story Shock and Ow! It is written as if the reader is a man, but can be easily modified for the ladies!
Shock and Ow
You are a man with a perfectly normal life, nice family and friends, good job. However, you have long suffered from occasional migraines. Over-the-counter medicines help a little, but they can still be quite debilitating. Finally, at the urging of your family, you decide to stop with the self-medication, and to see a doctor. You find a headache specialist, with very good credentials. He does not seem to be a quack (e.g., an alternative medicine guru, a chiropractor), but a person in a position of considerable authority at a major hospital. Let's say it's the Mayo Clinic.
You see the doctor, who listens carefully and runs some tests. He says he can help you, using a combination of the same OTC medications you've been taking, and - most important of all - he will begin a new therapeutic regimen. It is relatively untested, and you will have to pay out-of-pocket, as no insurance will cover it. But he is positive it will work.
Specifically, he instructs you to return to his office once a week where, for the price of $200 per session, your balls will be subjected to a fairly strong electric shock. You are naturally alarmed by this notion, and you express some skepticism. However, with great confidence, the doctor explains how migraines arise from a complex set of interactions among systems in your body, and that shocking the balls will have a predictable "domino effect," changing hormones and receptors in the brain, ultimately leading to the complete eradication of headaches. He notes that it's safer to shock your balls than to deliver shocks to your brain ("it's better to fight them there," he says, pointing to your crotch, "than here," pointing to your head). He shows you some literature from other ball-shock theorists, and they all agree. You've seen House on TV, and you know that Hugh Laurie always proposes these bizarre long-distance dependencies. And he's always right! Besides, the doctor is certain it will only take 6-10 weeks.
Still, you are quite hesitant. You are being asked to endure considerable pain every week, at a monthly cost that rivals your home mortgage. Is this really going to work? A lot of people in whom you confide think this is crazy, or at least premature - there is no proven connection of ball-shocks to migraines. Can't we wait for more definitive research? You voice these concerns to the doctor, and he becomes quite fervent: You need to start shocking your balls very soon, or the next migraine may kill you! Finally, faced with such conviction from a person in authority, you start receiving ball-shock therapy, for $200 a week.
At first, you're actually quite excited about getting your balls shocked! It feels good to actually be doing something about these migraines. And honestly, your balls sort of had it coming, even if the connection to migraines doesn't hold up. It hurts, sure, and it's expensive. Some of your friends have decided you've gone 'round the bend, and they sort of stop talking to you. Still, what do they know? These are migraines we're talking about! The doctor said you could die!
As the weeks and months slip by, however, there are moments that test your resolve. For example, the doctor (or technician) always asks, "So, have you had any migraines in the past week?" Most often, you say "no." They seem pleased, and sometimes note aloud that the ball-shocks seem to be working, your migraines are in their last throes, and you may be able to stop soon. Still, you are still having occasional migraines. In fact, it seems like they've actually increased in frequency, and also in severity. You privately wonder if the stress of paying so much money, and enduring so much pain, might not actually be making the problem worse. However, when you get the weekly question, if you answer, "Well, yes. I had a pretty bad migraine this past week," the doctor has a strange reaction. Sometimes, he says, "See? These migraines mean you serious harm! We cannot stop the treatments now!" Other times he says, "Good! That headache shows that we've got them on the run!"
For the life of you, you cannot reconcile these ideas.
Then, there are other things that make you wonder. When you get your balls shocked, you're supposed to have these little pads that prevent the electrodes from burning your skin. But many times, the pads are either defective or there aren't any available. When you press the doctor about this, he gets irritated. He says, "Look. It takes time to get these pads. We need to shock your balls now, with the equipment we have available, not with the equipment we'd like to have some time in the future." Also, the doctor introduces you to other ball-shock proponents, and they treat you very nicely. They want your testimonial and pictures for their literature. They are very committed to seeing this therapy receive widespread acceptance. Still, you notice that none of their family members are getting their balls shocked, even if they have migraines... Some are heavily invested in ball-shocking equipment and accessories. In fact, a small set of people seem to be making a great deal of money by shocking balls.
You begin to notice that, when you get migraines, which are coming more and more often now (after 3.5 years of shocks, costing a cool thirty grand), conventional medicine really seems to work to alleviate your pain. You privately start believing that a prescription - old-fashioned doctoring - might really work better than shocking your permanently-singed scrotum any more. But if you ever voice this opinion, your new circle of friends (and of course, your doctor) accuse you of appeasement, backing away from a little hard work when the cure is nearly complete!
You have to admit, if you were to stop shocking your balls now, it would clearly dishonor the sacrifice you've made to this point...
And... scene!
*********
As a nation, we must wake up. We continue shocking our balls, when all the evidence suggests it does more harm than good, it costs us dearly, and most everyone thinks we're idiots. This is why people support Ned Lamont. "Ned Lamont, 2006: He'll never shock your balls!"
I think Cheney probably would.