I believe that this was kind of diaried before, but they left out the hilarious part. Has Henry Kissinger successfully hidden his Chauncey Gardener all these years, or have I just missed it?
Kissinger, you'll recall, is the gentleman who floated to the surface of the defense think tub on a ludicrous plan to deploy nukes as battlefield weapons. Just what the generals in the 60s wanted to hear coming from a guy with a PhD, so we eventually ended up with Hank as NSA. Most Americans know him as the genius who singlehandedly reversed the 1949 decision that the Chinese were radioactive child-eaters, so that from 1972 on one of our enemies would be our enemy, while the enemy that was an enemy of our enemy would be our friend. As the Guiness man would say, Brilliant.
Of course we can't make a Big War Decision without hearing from Kissinger, so yesterday he was in to testify before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee. I remember reading somewhere that what Hank wants above all else is for Americans to like him, but I was totally unprepared for the extent to which this phenomenon was in evidence at the hearing.
For the Once Venerable Diplomat proceeded to create Harmony where previously there was Dissonance. Agreement where before there was Division. Goodwill where once there had been a significant amount of Ill. He agreed with absolutely everybody about everything.
He agreed with George Bush that troop levels in Iraq should be increased. He agreed with Russ Feingold that significant forces can be withdrawn. He agreed with Lugar that they should stay in the region. Norm Coleman, of course, was concerned for the longue duree:
"Is it your belief that a precipitous withdrawal . . . would have a greater negative long-term impact?"
"That is my conviction," Kissinger said.
Biden's plan to create autonomous regions sounded just as right as rain to Henry. But any or all of these plans can potentially backfire:
"Would you agree," Sen. Bob Menendez (D-N.J.) asked, that "every alternative carries with it some rather grave risks?"
"Absolutely," Kissinger complied.
Kissinger agrees with the ISG that a much greater diplomatic effort is necessary, but he also agrees with Bush on the issue. How is such a thing possible, you ask? Because Kissinger believes that George W Bush has a secret plan for diplomacy with Syria and Iran.
"I am convinced, but I cannot base it on any necessary evidence right now," Kissinger told the senators, "that the president will want to move toward a bipartisan consensus" to stabilize Iraq through diplomacy.
Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill.) was suspicious of such assurances. "Is there any place that you're familiar with where the administration has articulated this strategy?" he asked.
"I don't know any place where the administration has articulated this particular strategy," the octogenarian diplomat admitted. But he added: "From my acquaintances with some of the people, I think it is possible that they will come to this strategy."
Obama asked Kissinger if "you are suggesting that they have some secret strategy that we have not been made privy to."
"I would be disappointed and surprised," he reiterated, "if they did not accept some of the elements of what has been discussed here."
In fact, a greater military buildup will pave the way for more diplomacy, or so hoped Senator Johnny Isakson of Georgia. Was he off the mark? he asked.
"The objectives you've stated are compatible with what the president is attempting to do," Kissinger assured him.
My only question is why can't we send this guy to Iraq so that he can do a similar job of smoothing out those silly "differences" between the Shia and Sunni?