Well if the Decider is getting his ass scoped tomorrow, then I know what he's doing tonight. He's sitting on the Camp David shitter, emptying his colon of any obstructions. Sort of like disposing with obstructions of justice, except using his ass instead of a pardon.
See, I had my first colonoscopy last year. As everyone else who's had one will tell you, the procedure itself is a breeze. (OK, a methane breeze, but still.) They even give you amnesia medicine so you forget the whole damn thing.
No, the bad part is the DAY BEFORE your colonoscopy. That's when you get to experience the unbound joy of medically-induced diarrhea. Because the doctor, in his or her role as an impartial judge of your ass, must get a clear view of the "facts before the court." For example, if he tries to look up your ass and his view is blocked by Scooter Libby, then that is an obstruction.
(continued down the backside)
So, the doctor gives you a subpoena (diarrhea pills) the day before the "hearing," so your bowels are free of any trace of Scooter Libby. The physicians here on Daily Kos can help me out with the medical lingo, but that's it in a nutshell.
There are any number of ways you can purge your obstructions. (My doctor prescribed me these huge fucking horse pills, chalky monstrosities with sharp edges that are awful to swallow. I had to take three of those bastards with a bubbly 8-ounce glass of ginger ale ... every 15 minutes, for an hour and a half.) After you bloat to roughly the size of a Halliburton cost-overrun, it's time for Shock and Awe.
Suddenly your toilet is downtown Baghdad, and your ass is a huge, lumbering B-52 carrying a full load of carpet bombs. BLAM! BLAM! Ka-BLLOOOOEEEY! And after the heavy ordnance is dropped comes a steady stream of cruise missiles and maybe even a bunker-buster.
The heavy shelling will taper off after a while, though you will still get sporadic bursts of small-arms fire for the rest of the night. And then you get up the next morning and repeat the whole process, before heading to the doctor's office. (By the way, you get nothing to eat or drink this whole time, except maybe some water or broth.)
The procedure itself is apparently easy, since I don't remember any of it. The amnesia drug wears off in half-an-hour or so, and you're finally free to go eat a goddamn cheeseburger!
During my colonoscopy they found one polyp and removed it for me. (Easiest cancer prevention ever ... seriously, go get your own ass scoped now!) Hopefully they don't find anything in Bush's dumper, though it wouldn't surprise me if they found the unitary executive theory.
Anyway, George, have a nice Friday night on your Throne of the Unitary Executive. Let us know if any brilliant new judicial theories fall out of your ass.