Hurricane Obama swelled into a Category IV storm over the Potomac region yesterday sweeping away clichés and rightwing talking points. The progressively powerful storm tore away at Catholic voters, Latinos, lower income and elderly Caucasian Americans. Said one anonymous meteorologist speaking off the record; "The storm appears as if it may continue with a tremendous force into Wisconsin. We are beginning to grow concerned for the political safety of those that get caught in its path."
Rival meteorologists at the DLC meanwhile hope to slow the storm over Ohio and Texas. They point to recent forecasts showing a pressure drop of 17 points in Ohio and seek to contain the damage in the El Paso region of the Southwest. Their aim is to seed the storm with doubt and depress its rate of speed as much as possible. Although DCL insiders claimed they were not caught off guard by the force of the storm, it clearly has many worried already at the amount of money it’s taken so far to fight off this ever growing force of nature. Noted a DLC spokesperson, "Yes Hurricane Obama has incredible momentum, but we hope to triangulate it into a corner come April. The voters and states it’s saturating along the way don’t really count. The only ones that truly count at the end of the day are the ones that we say count." Last night, however, the effects of the storm over the Potomac were clearly felt as far away as Wisconsin where the roof was blown off a building in Madison where Hurricane Obama was already making its presence felt.
Despite the apparent glee by meteorologists over at the rival GOP Meteorological Institute, there is also increasing anxiety. Said a top GOP Institute aide "Sure we are having some fun now watching the demise of our DLC rivals, but deep down inside there is increasing alarm this storm may swell into a Category V phenomenon come August. We fear the storm may suddenly shift directions and come straight at us." Indeed high pressure winds blowing down the Rockies and sweeping through Denver may make the Great Plains, Rocky Mountains and Mid-Atlantic exceedingly vulnerable come November.
Ironically, the GOP may have contributed significantly to Hurricane Obama by its failed response to Hurricane Katrina. One meteorological forecaster noted that there was already incredible pressure in the atmosphere prior to Katrina. Sending a horse proctologist to coordinate relief efforts, ignoring scientific data, playing the guitar on the front porch and hosting Senator McCain’s birthday while an American cultural and urban masterpiece went underwater overwhelmingly convinced many weather experts that significant changes were needed in Washington. As one GOP insider, far too terrified to go on record expounded "We’re out of answers and this storm looks increasingly lethal. The only way to beat is to go incredibly negative. We know our positive ions aren’t charged at all so we can’t really run a positive campaign against it – we must begin saturating the atmosphere with negative ions and stir up waves of distrust in the waters. Luckily, [the source exclaimed] we can rely on much of the corporate media to contribute to that process."
It may become increasingly apparent, however, that a slow steady wind on a somewhat unlikely front beginning in Iowa could develop into a full-blown Category V storm spreading across America November. The reverberations are likely to be felt around the globe. As the aforementioned GOP Institute insider noted, "God have mercy on the GOP if that comes to pass."