You've read other diarists' lists, their analyses, their inanities.
But you haven't read mine.
Seems to me y'all are too blinkered to recognize some truly awesome veep candidates for Barack Obama. Here are a few, complete with their pros and cons.
Michael Corleone, circa Godfather II. Michael brings a strong military background to the table -- hell, he's a WWII war hero and he's got cred as a real fighter in certain domestic wars, too. With regard to executive experience, he has been an effective CEO for his family corporation for many years, so effective in fact that many other families defer to him, too. Like Hillary Clinton, he has been thoroughly vetted -- grilled before Congress, in fact, and they couldn't make anything stick. He'll be our Teflon Vice President.
Cons: Since Obama will win New York anyway, Michael doesn't bring any new constituencies into play.
I understand he has one hell of a ground game, though.
Homer Simpson. Homer solves Obama's problem with white, working class, uneducated voters, since he's all three. He would also counter any "elitism" charge McCain cares to level at our candidate. Obama is also sometimes perceived as unwilling to dirty his hands by going on the offensive; Homer would make an excellent attack dog. Due to his lack of intellect, he would never overshadow President Obama.
Cons: Since he's an idiot, Vice President Homer Simpson kills our chances in 2016. (Remember Republican Candidate for the Presidency Dan Quayle? Me neither.) He's rumored to have an alcohol problem, and he may be a loose cannon on the campaign trail. Some would say he's two dimensional.
Pinhead. You may also know him as actor Doug Bradley, or as the Dark Prince of Pain, Angel of Suffering, or Leviathan's Lord of the Damned. As one of Hell's top minions, he'll bring an almost supernatural edge to the contest. Let's see how well John McCain's Vice Presidential pick does in a debate with Pinhead when his soul's getting pulled apart.
Cons: Voter fatigue. We've already had eight years of this pinhead.
Lassie. Loyal to a fault, Lassie would be a steadfast ally to President Obama. VP Lassie would alert him to hidden dangers, rescue him from treacherous situations, and be his constant companion.
Cons: Not enough of an "attack dog." Little executive experience; as President of the Senate, Lassie would have to be restrained from peeing all over their nice hardwood floors. Secretly rumored to be a boy doggy, so their could be a sex scandal in the offing.
Mr. Rogers. Talk about name recognition! The Boomer generation grew up with this guy. We love him. He's such a sweet man, any attacks the Republicans muster will make them look like the heartless thugs they are. By talking to powerful people around the globe in that gentle, reasonable voice, Mr. Rogers will singlehandedly bring about world peace, solve global warming, and restore America's standing among the nations of the world.
Cons: American public too jaded to believe in Rogers's vision of a "kindler, gentler nation." Addicted to sweaters, refuses to wear suit and tie. Would replace Pledge of Allegiance with the "Won't You Be My Neighbor?" song, thus infuriating ultraconservative voters.
Indiana Jones. Like Rogers, Jones has high name recognition and is popular with old and young alike. Great at dodging giant boulders, and you never know when proficiency with a bull whip might come in handy. If he gets his dad to campaign for Obama, we'll be able to lock up the vote of all those older women who are holding out for Hillary. Finally, Jones might turn Red State Indiana Blue. It's all in the name.
Cons: He's a college professor; America hates eggheads.
Jack The Ripper. The perfect "hatchet man" veep. If Obama could get him on the ticket, the Republicans would run for cover. Unfortunately,
Cons: Jack is a Republican, and is already on McCain's short list.
Who's your pick? If it's not in the poll, tell me in the comments.