I thought it was time for one of those What's Your Fricking Problem Diaries. I suppose this would normally be done by a trusted member of the Kos writing committee but that is but one of many of my problems.
For some individuals there may be triggering content that constitutes more of my problems.
This was to be the year I got stuff done, turned my life around, went back to school, admitted to myself there is a problem, and looked for support/help/etc. Among my to do list items was to get more active politically or find a cause that interests me and go from there. I finally signed up for Daily Kos as a member as opposed to reading a few entries and then jetting to some unknown, unspecified part of the Internet. So I was not an original signer. Or even one minted from a few years ago. That troubles people who think I am a concern troll or who hate Obama endlessly. Let me address, I supported Hilary at the local district level back in 2008 and was a delegate. When pressed by someone at a meeting who I voting for was physically attacked since I dared not to endorse Obama. The woman had to be restrained by her military husband. Getting back into involvements, I have participated in two Occupy events, one Unions against Wal-Mart protest, and one supporting the United States Postal Service. Overall though not a whole lot has been accomplished.
I did look into various colleges but ran into the problem of an old student loan I had forgotten about. It was only $2,000 but since it had gone into purgatory it was now $3,000 and rising. Ouch. So no going back to school until I could resolve the past loan. With minimal money from the jobs I get, good luck in doing that.
Before my state ends their health care plan I dared to see if I could … well … I hate to say it since I failed so damned miserably … find a way to transition. I thought I had my dotted my “i's” and crossed my “t's”. There are unspoken loopholes and being one who takes the road less traveled I … let's just say screwed everything up. Realizing this I endeavored to get everything straightened out. I discovered that modern medicine has it's problems and there is no easy way. So things continue to get worse. At this point I am both ashamed and lost. Others had taken shortcuts, dared to push the envelope, far more than what I was doing playing it safe trying to schedule this or that. So now I am not nearly anywhere I should be and the anger and pain are building. This was not my intent.
I also vowed to try to research historical places and take images, possible fieldwork for a thesis on building connections once I ever return to school. That work remains stalled although I did have fun doing most of it.
In September a family member qualified for Medicare finally and after going five years without health insurance immediately scheduled an appointment. She found out she has breast cancer. Surgery was last week. For now they think they have it all. But that time spent not getting mammograms resulted in the loss of one whole breast and an entire set of lymph nodes. She is taking time off from work and hopes to have a job when she returns. Another problem that I have, no universal health care in this country. Thousands die because they cannot get access. If you have a particular area of concern you might be hard pressed to find one who specializes even with coverage.
All these problems weigh on me and I wonder if I will ever get better or if I will be able to reach my goals or dreams. I do not want to be wallowing in depression I want to get things done. A problem, yes another one is finding support or someone to say “You are not alone.” But for now I have a cat laying on me and sometimes that is all that takes to get through the day.
What's Your Fricking Problems?