Hello, fellow pigskin Kool-Aid drinker. Welcome. Make yourself at home. Just move that stuff off the couch and sit down. Yes, we are few in number but mighty in lethargy. Nevertheless, we follow football and we like President Obama.
Now if you don't like President Obama and/or if you don't like football, you are probably not going to like this diary post. You will be and want to say something bad about President Obama, football, or me. You can find much more stimulating and instructive diaries on Daily Kos than this one, trust me. And I really don't need the grief.
But if you love President Obama and football, you're my man person, and there's more below the fold.
Part I: Obama Rox
First of all, kudos to the President. The largest stimulus in American history, Obamacare, financial reform, DADT repeal. Monumental legislation. Not the end of the road by a long shot, but a great foundation to build upon. A complete reversal of the policies of the previous eight years. He even persuaded a giant oil company to hand over $20 billion (without years and years of Exxon Valdez-like litigation) to clean up the horrible mess they made.
And even when I was most pissed, when the Bush tax cuts were extended, he was right and I was wrong. You see, he gave a two-year extension in exchange for an extension of unemployment benefits and continuation of the middle class tax cuts from the stimulus package, which I benefited from enormously. The tuition tax credits really helped us with two kids in college. That money was spent right back into the economy, believe me.
But you know the other reason the President was willing to go two bad-tasting years was because he knew there was another election in two years and he had faith in us, the people, that we would see what has to be done and do it. You want public option? Elect representatives and senators who will vote for it. You want green energy? Elect people who will vote for clean energy. You want...well, you get the picture. You think the President wouldn't sign progressive legislation in a heartbeat if given the opportunity? You know he would.
And lest we forget, the President inherited a mess of enormous proportions in almost every respect. Eight years of equal doses of insanity and stupidity (i.e., Cheney and Bush, in that order). So, on January 20, 2009, he has massive deficits and debt (rapidly rising); an economic crash of potentially Great Depression proportions (imagine no stimulus or auto rescue if you dare); two difficult, complicated, unpopular, expensive wars fueled by an enormous and powerful military-industrial complex (not to mention those pesky geopolitical realities); incompetent, ideologically-staffed agencies throughout the executive branch; a Supreme Court that swept away campaign finance reform on the ludicrous premise that corporations are people; an opposition party so hell-bent on defeating Obama that from the outset, only two or three Republicans could be persuaded to vote for bills that were basically Republican ideas; and a country deeply divided over whether or not America should be a liberal democracy (small l, small d) or a theocratic oligarchy. Other than that, things were in great shape.
His fundamental belief and commitment to liberal democracy has never failed us. He has always operated in the realm of the secular when it comes to politics and government. That means a belief in pluralism and reason when it comes to the political arena. He refuses to accept the alternate view. On this, he will never budge or compromise. This is why he is Satan to those who prefer a (mostly) white Christian theocracy.
And this is why he is a true patriot. The Constitution of the United States enshrined liberal democracy as the law of the land. That was the whole point. And you can say whatever you want, but I believe President Obama is a man of integrity, most especially when it comes to reason. The Constitution glorifies reason. So does the President. The President swore to uphold the Constitution. He will. Count on it, fellow 'bots. Now on to some football.
Part II: Football Rox
It's a beautiful fall afternoon, early November. It's a Tuesday. Don't ask me why they're playing on a Tuesday. It's my analogy, so shut up. Besides, any day is a good day for football. Anyway, the Democrats chose the white uniforms since they are the home team, with, of course, loyal blue numbers and helmets. The Republicans, wearing blood-of-a-million-Iraqis red uniforms with yellow numerals and helmets, are trying to take over the team in white's house, so to speak.
Now the Democrats have a great quarterback, five tool player. Skinny kid. He's kinda like the President, see. (Who said this was gonna be a hard analogy?) But the quarterback, he can't do anything without the rest of the team because the Republicans are out to get him--like those guys who draw big fines in the NFL, only these guys don't pay fines, they raise corporate dollars. I mean the thugs in the blood-of-a-million-Iraqis red uniforms have been known to play dirty. And the officiating crew--Alito, Roberts, Scalia, and Thomas--won't give the Democrats a fair break. The replay official, Kennedy, is just about as bad. Without adequate protection, the President cannot make the connection to his favorite left end, a veteran from California coincidentally named Pelosi. And the left flanker, Harry "Legs" Reid, could be a deep threat as well.
So most of all, a quarterback needs a good line. You know, those nameless, faceless, grunts in the trenches. You know, the big guys. In this analogy, that would be large numbers of people. They seldom get the glory, but they always feel the pain. They're the first ones to get bashed on every play, and they rarely get to be the decoy. There are always collisions. Sometimes one of the linemen gets pissed at the quarterback:
"What the hell's wrong with him, Dragon? He shoulda called the Z-28 GTO Thunderbird 442 Left. Even I know that!"
"But they've got Pelosi double-covered on the left side. He threw short to the right side, and we got the first down. Sometimes you have to take what they give you. We've still got possession and we're moving."
"Yeah, but you gotta go deep once in a while to keep 'em honest. Show 'em you really mean it. Make 'em afraid."
"Throw into double coverage and risk a turnover? I'm glad you're not calling the plays. You need to put your head down and block. We need you. Look, he's a great guy. He will listen to you. Why don't you talk it over with him privately? Send him an email or give him a call. Who knows? Maybe he'll figure throwing a bomb into double coverage once in awhile is a brilliant surprise...but I doubt it. But could you at least do me this favor? Would you please not turn around and tackle our guy every time the ball is hiked? The Republicans don't need any help, really. Those big, fat Koch brothers are putting plenty of pressure on the quarterback by themselves, not to mention pressure on the player's union, big boy. You need to fight back, not run away."
"Whaddya mean put down my head and block? Whaddya think, I'm stupid or something? I want us to score a touchdown. Right now!"
"Well, of course you do. We all do. We have got to give No. 44 a chance to throw. As long as they have double coverage on our wide receivers, we can't hit the big play. We have to establish the ground game, first. That's the only way to get our guys open. Make 'em play eight in the box. Look, I don't think you're stupid. Remember that time on third and one when you said we should run the 31-Trap Right? And that's what Fours called and we got the first down? And would someone as great as your spouse marry someone completely stupid? Besides, coach ain't gonna play you at quarterback. You weigh 340 pounds and you own a Cheetos factory for chrissakes! I can time your 40-yard dash with a calendar. And your arm belongs on a slot machine."
"Yeah, but I'm tired of getting beat up. I want to score and get off the field for a while. We need to take some chances. Or maybe I'll just quit."
"And go where? There's only two teams. Are you gonna play for the Republicans? Have you seen their 'depth' at quarterback lately? You wanna play for them? Word is, they eat raw babies."
"Maybe I'll just sit this one out since no one listens to me."
"Well, I suppose you could do that, but I at least hope you won't root against us on game day."
"I could never root against you, Dragon."
"I appreciate that. But we need you. You know you love to hit people. And who better to hit than the Kochs?"
"Well, maybe..."
"Come on! We're bros, right? We want to score! We want to bash the bejeezus out of some Goopers! Let's get fired up! This is team Democrat! We are playing for more and better Democratic victories, right?"
"Right!"
"RIGHT?"
"RIGHT!!"
"OBAMA!!"
"ROX!!"
"OBAMA!!"
"ROX!!"
So it's Tuesday, see...
To be continued...
Well, that's it. Hope it's a happy ending. Oh, and if you don't like President Obama and/or you don't like football, then you are probably , just like I said you would be. But don't blame me. I warned you.
Disclaimer: I am sure someone will accuse me of cheerleading in this diary. He or she would be absolutely correct. Thanks.