Hello, Dear Diary. It is I, Mitt Romney, your better.
I must admit, Diary, that I am truly baffled by the events that have thus far enfolded this Election Day. My staff has advised me, in clear soundbites, that I will of course be elected to CEO of the United Corporation of America. And yet, media organizations which I have not yet purchased are declaring this election process a victory for Presidential unit Obama. Even media organizations which I have already purchased, such as FOX News, are declaring this as an Obama victory. This concerns me, especially since Mr. Murdoch and Mr. Ailes have refused to return my phone calls. Perhaps they have not received the money I have funneled to them from my various multitude of off-shore accounts; I shall ask Eric F to research this accordingly.
My point, Diary, is that there must be some mistake. I am well aware that 47 percent of the American population units did not vote for me, as they are too lazy to get off their sofas and participate in the voting process. But based on my prodigious mathematical skills, that would leave approximately 53 percent of American voting units who will have voted for me. So you can understand my confusion, as 53 is more than 47. I am nearly certain of this.
So while the media widgets may have called the state known as "Ohio" for Presidential unit Obama, I refuse to accept this as an actual fact. I am certain that once this voting procedure drags on, and on, and on, the commoners will be forced to accept the truth that I have been elected as their Overlord. Or President, if they prefer.
It's going to be a long night, Diary. While I am forbidden from using caffeine, I grant you permission to absorb a double espresso. Because I am a benevolent ruler.