Moron in an online public forum: I don't understand why gay people have to be in your face about their sexuality all the time! I don't go around announcing my heterosexuality to everyone!
Me: You just did, dumbass.
Moron: Fag.
I win again.
Join me below the fleur de kos for more.
Recently, there has been a rash of stories about the exciting possibility of finally ending the bullshit notion that the National Football League is a place for Manly Straight Men Only. Players left and right are signalling their willingness - even eagerness - to bring the NFL into the 21st Century.
People like the awesome Brendon Ayanbadejo and the equally awesome Chris Kluwe, whom you might remember from his epic takedown of Maryland hatemonger and free-speech advocate censorship enthusiast Emmett Burns.
Unfortunately, a few throwbacks and a slew of ignorant fans aren't quite so ready.
Seattle Seahawks defensive end Chris Clemons Tweets in reply to a follower:
Yeah, Chris. Because Tweeting that to the world isn't selfishly trying to gather attention. Hypocrisy is fun.
(PS: Be sure to drop the Seahawks a line and let them know what you think.)
You should read some of the comment sections to these stories. They're alternately hilarious and very, very sad.
The comments tend to follow a few repetitive themes. You've already read one in the intro, an exchange I've had numerous times: they make their stupid, hypocritical statement, I point out the idiocy of it, and then they accuse me of being gay. As if that would be a bad thing. As I often answer that accusation, you might as well accuse me of being left-handed, or a brunette, or having an attached earlobe.
One of my favorites goes a little something like this:
Bigot: What does this have to do with football?! Shut up and play the game! I don't care about the players' personal lives!
Hilarious, no? The sheer tooth-grinding determination of the denial. Mind you, I'm assuming that many of these people don't know how homophobic they are. They honestly think they "don't care". There are quite a few who do deliberately hide the hate they know they have, but a lot of them are just ignorant.
But as we all know, the whole "I don't care" line is garbage. They care a lot. Thus the denial. And not knowing why a sports page would be writing stories about an historic event that might take place, forever altering the culture of the NFL for the better? Huge mega mega denial.
The "shut up and play the game" line is always telling. I see that a lot. Stay in the closet! they mean. Don't make me confront my own feelings, they mean. They're like eight year-olds pumped with hate. Blatantly transparent and hilariously deluded about how sneaky they're being.
Of course, you never see them complaining about the stories written on, say, Tom Brady's hot wife, or Tim Tebow's proselytizing.
Another favorite:
Ignorant jackhole: It's a choice! Blah blah choice blah!
I know I shouldn't play this game, but I can't seem to help pointing out that even if they were right (and they're not), they have yet to establish that it's a wrong choice. That one seems to stump most of them. Some go into the shopworn reproduction-is-the-end-all-be-all spiel. Yawn. You can do better, man (Yes, they're men. Not very many women slinging hate on the sports boards). The conversation gets boring after that:
Jackhole: The human race would die out if everyone were gay!
Me: Because in vitro fertilization is science fiction, dude!
Jackhole: But if they didn't have access to the technology, they couldn't reproduce sexually!
Me: Neither could the infertile.
Jackhole: Infertility isn't a choice!
Me: Ever heard of a Vasectomy? Tubal ligation?
And so on.
Then there are the out-and-out (no pun intended) bigots. The ones who claim that anything other than the Heteroiest of the Hetero is unnatural. That "marriage" - as co-opted by their Bronze-age tribal superstition - can only be defined their way. And then out come the bestiality references. The mental illness claims. The whining-minority-wants-entitlement meme borrowed from the racists. It's a full-on stupid parade.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm reverse-trolling, winding up the bigots and homphobes for fun. I won't deny I like running circles around them. It's a good way to blow off steam. Mmmm... moron buffet. I know; it doesn't exactly make me a better person. Like when I wrote my Washington Jesus Fisters response to the Redskins apologists.
I rationalize it by thinking that if I can shame even one of them, or shut them down by giving the impression that their view is so in the minority that they might actually have something to fear by trumpeting it, then maybe I've dispensed a little karmic justice. Or at the very least put the bigots back where they belong.
In the closet.
Please pardon my word-doodle. I know I didn't really have a point, here. I just felt like sharing. Peace and love to all my brothers and sisters.