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While reading yet another wing-nut’s explanation of global climate change as a conspiracy perpetrated by the world’s climate scientists, it occurred to me that this actually presents an interesting alternative to the usual lines of battle in the debate. Rather than arguing the validity of the science itself, we might instead compare the relative likelihood of the competing conspiracies.

In one corner are the 30,000 or so climate scientists around the world conspiring to create a false crisis, a hoax. Their motive is revenge. Tired of low-paying academic jobs, they seek economic chaos, expecting wealth and power in the aftermath due to their superior command of dystopian science-fiction futures.

In the other corner are several hundred oil company executives and the politicians, talking-heads and ‘scientists’ they own, doing what they do best: conspiring to steal as much as they can for as long as it takes to turn the United States into a third-world country.

It almost goes without saying that a secret conspiracy between 30,000 people is fundamentally impossible, whereas there are known historical and ongoing conspiracies between the oil companies and their minions in the government and media.

One might also apply that aspect of Occam’s razor as to the unnecessary multiplication or creation of unknown entities. None of the academic research scientists I know is in it for the money, and the ones interested in power seem satisfied with their department chair.

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Comment Preferences

  •  My money is on aliens (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Calamity Jean, Pluto, rbird

    conducting an experiment on how a species can commit suicide.

    •  actually it is the cockroaches who have decided (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:

      to emerge from the shadows and claim their planet.  Consider their claims to the planet vs the claims to the planet by human ranchers and states righters:
      First of all, roaches have legacy rights to the planet; they were here first.
      Second, they outnumber humans by several magnitudes and all of them think they should own the planet.  Democracy in action and rule by the majority.
      Finally, survival of the fittest.  Roaches can survive conditions that humans could not begin to survive.  It is roaches who need to form a Posse Comitatus and not the humans.

      After all, would you prefer a cockroach or a Koch living in the floorboards of your home?  

      •  Just because I like to tell the story (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:

        About thirty years ago I lived in what I called "the roach motel" - an apartment building just off Haight Street managed by an ex hippie turned slumlord.
        One day I got tired of complaining about the roaches, so... he was showing an empty apartment that afternoon, so just before lunch I bought a can of Raid and a can of Black Flag (experience told me that roaches were immune to one at a time, but not both) and I went down the hall spraying until I ran out of spray. Half an hour later the slumlord opened the hallway door and - anybody know what I mean by "Fibber McGee's closet"? The hall was ankle deep in dead roaches.
        What did the slumlord do? I give him credit, he was clever. He cancelled the garbage service. For two weeks the basement of the building piled up with garbage. This attracted mice. (fortunately not rats) Then, once people started complaining about the mice, he renewed the garbage service. Now the mice had nothing to eat - but roaches. And when they finished with the roaches they had nothing to eat, so they moved on.
        Problem solved.

  •  I read where one pol gave his take on the CT (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:

    on climate change
    If I remember his theory correctly, he thinks that all of science is a conspiracy to enable scientists to funnel money from the feds to themselves.  Science itself is a hoax.  Consider Will and Krauthammer, both Nobel winning scientists, right?, discuss how science pulls the wool over the eyes of the public which is too stupid to see things as they do:
    Yep, all science is subjective, so hang on if you quit believing in gravity.
    Or consider this other august scientist, Donald Trump:
    because we all know global warming is caused by Teh Gays:  because everyone knows Christians know more about science than a bunch of dumb scientists who probably have never heard of the Bible.

  •  Wildflowers were bribed? (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Crashing Vor

    I want to know how the scientists managed to bribe all the wildflowers in the world to get them to start blooming earlier in the spring. And how they convinced all the migratory birds to shift to an earlier schedule.

    •  planting those maples high on the mountain (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:

      stealthily, over a couple of decades; now that was a nice touch. Totally believable, especially with the additional touch of those invasive beetles that never used to live at this latitude. all those long distance swimming lessons for polar bears...But the part that really gets me; saving all that extra seawater from Noah's flood, and then gradually releasing it over the course of decades to make us think that the seas are rising.

      Last full month in which the average daily temperature did not exceed twentieth-century norms: 2/1985 - Harper's Index, 2/2013

      by kamarvt on Tue May 13, 2014 at 04:59:00 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  A secret conspiracy of 30 K people (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:

    whose motto is "publish or perish."

    I live under the bridge to the 21st Century.

    by Crashing Vor on Tue May 13, 2014 at 06:21:34 AM PDT

    •  I was going to say, at least a dozen of them... (0+ / 0-)

      would have accidentally published the secret conspiracy invitation email as a footnote to their next paper.

      Maybe we should search all footnotes in all climate science papers in the last few decades for the phrase:  "Welcome to the global climate change conspiracy!"

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