Dear Penthouse Forum,
I know that this is going to sound crazy, but every word of it is true.
Having watched congressional Republicans give Benjamin Netanyahu an orgasmic reception last week, I thought that I'd seen it all—but, boy oh boy, was I wrong!
This week, I witnessed something totally unprecedented: #47 GOP senators (plus two presidential "contenders") engaging in some really hardcore dumbfuckery on the international stage.
It was quite a show—totally NSFW (Not Safe For World).
After wrapping themselves in the American flag, the 47 perverters (of the rule of law) got into bed with the hardliners in Iran, and then proceeded to fumble around for a bit.
Pretty soon, they were all tangled up in each other, and it was nearly impossible to tell who was coming, and who was going.
When all was said and done, I didn't know whether to be amused, embarrassed (for them), or turned on.
Please advise.
—Name withheld
Morning lineup:
Meet the Press: Former Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Adm. Michael Mullen (Ret.); Sen. Tim Kaine (D-VA); Sen. Roger Wicker (R-MS); Rep. Trey Gowdy (R-SC); Former Rep. Barney Frank (D-MA); Roundtable: Matt Bai (Yahoo News), Karen Finney (Media Matter for America), Republican Strategist Kevin Madden and Andrea Mitchell (NBC News).
Face the Nation: Sen. Tom Cotton (R-AK); Rep. Elijah Cummings (D-MD); Civil Rights Panel: NAACP President Cornell William Brooks and Sherilyn Ifill (NAACP Legal Defense Fund); Roundtable: Susan Page (USA Today), Peter Baker (New York Times), John Heileman (Bloomberg News) and Dana Milbank (Washington Post).
This Week: Sen. Roy Blunt (R-MO); Rep. William Lacy Clay (D-MO); Former Sen. Jim Webb (D-VA); Egyptian Satirist Dr. Bassem Youssef; Roundtable: Democratic Strategist James Carville, Republican Strategist Ana Navarro, David Remnick (The New Yorker) and Greta van Susteren (Fox News).
Fox News Sunday: Rep. Trey Gowdy (R-SC); Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA); Sen. John Barrasso (R-WY); Sen. Ben Cardin (D-MD); Roundtable: George Will (Washington Post), Kirsten Powers (USA Today), Republican Strategist Karl Rove and Juan Williams (Fox News).
State of the Union: Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY); Others TBD.
Evening lineup:
60 Minutes will feature: a report on problems with the Social Security Administration's Death Master File (preview); a report on how the Marines are dealing with the order to open their infantry units to women (preview); and, an interview with controversial conservationist Damian Aspinall, who wants to close all zoos, including his own, and free the animals to the wild (preview).
On Comedy Central...
Jon Stewart read between the lines of the GOP's Iran letter. (03/10/15)
The Daily Show:
Monday: Author/Journalist Andrew Cockburn; Tuesday: Actresses Amanda Seyfried; Wednesday: Actor/Comedian Kwevoin Hart; Thursday: Actor/Comedian Will Ferrell.
And Larry Wilmore weighed in on the Oklahoma frat scandal, and women in leadership. (03/10/15)
The Nightly Show:
Guests TBD.
Elsewhere...
WorldNetDaily editor Joseph Farrah worried that President Obama is planning to extend his vacation—indefinitely.
After years of promoting the birther myth, WorldNetDaily is now embracing the conspiracy theory that President Obama will illegally remain in power after the end of his second term. WND editor Joseph Farah writes today that since Obama was "pampered" in his youth and "never sacrificed or wanted for anything material in his life," he and his family have been "living it up" in the White House by going on glamorous, taxpayer-funded vacations.
Citing Obama's alleged love of vacationing, laziness and "immense satisfaction from ignoring the rule of law or placing himself and his office above it," Farah concludes that there may be "a strong incentive for him to make the White House a more permanent home" rather than leave office.
"Do you really think Obama wants to give up the most powerful position in the world and one that affords him this kind of unimaginable, excessive, non-replicable luxury?" Farah asks.
Meanwhile...
The Rev. Franklin Graham surmised that Obama's mother must've been a Muslim.
"His mother must have been a Muslim," Graham said. "We don't know that, but she married two Muslim men, so there must have been something there."
"And the framework that the President has growing up, his influences in his life, was that of Islam," he added. [...]
The reverend said that like many Americans, he enjoyed a Christian upbringing, unlike Obama.
"Our President did not have that. It was Islam. And many feel that he's protecting Islam," he said. "I don't know that, but it certainly seems that way."
And, finally...
Sean Hannity called Obama's fitness for office into question.
Sean Hannity has been doing MMA training for a few months now to get into shape, and tonight he showed off some behind-the-scenes footage of his actual workout, alongside UFC champ Chuck Liddell.
But first, Hannity couldn't resist comparing his fierce workout to President Obama's (like he's done before), mocking the president's routine as pretty weak and standard.
What a bunch of fucking lunatics.
- Trix