When we were courting, my husband-to-be was horrified to learn that whenever I was asked for advice I was quick to give it.
"How can you do that?" he said. "What if someone follows your advice and everything turns out badly? How could you handle that responsibility?"
I was not concerned. "I always give good advice."
Though maybe "usually" would have been more accurate than "always."
The first advice described in this diary is about the time that my Dear One broke his own rule.
It was shortly after World War II, years before I knew him. Dear One was a combat vet and 22 years old. He was at loose ends and in no hurry to "settle down." He knew instinctively that what he needed to do was calm down.
Young, strong, and physically healthy, though somewhat traumatized, he moved to Pensacola and got a job working on a commercial fishing boat.
One of the crew was a good old boy Florida "cracker" who was courting a local girl. The "good old boy" and my Dear One became friends. Four or more times a week after a strenuous day on the fishing boat, my Dear One's crew-mate would eat supper at the boarding house, tidy up in his best clothes, and walk five miles inland to his Sweetheart's family's home.
The young couple would sit on the front porch swing for a few hours, and then the young man would walk five miles back to his lodging.
One morning at the pier, my Dear One saw his crew mate very dejected. "What's wrong?" D.O. asked. Good Old Boy replied, "My girl-friend broke up with me."
"Did you have an argument?"
Good Old Boy responded, "No, she just told me not to come see her anymore."
Dear One thought a moment. "How long have you two been seeing each other, anyway?"
"About four years," said the rejected suitor.
"Do you want to marry her?"
"Yes," said Good Old Boy. "But I guess I can't now."
"Have you asked her?"
Good Old Boy replied, "Well, I was fixing to."
"That's the problem," explained my Dear One. "You need to go ahead and ask her."
The light bulb went on over Good Old Boy's head. That evening he put on his good clothes as usual and headed inland.
Next morning Good Old Boy arrived at the fishing boat very happy.
But my Dear One was always a bit concerned that he had interfered in someone else's life.
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My second example of advice is also about marriage. After being widowed young I went back to school and earned my bachelor's degree. I had just dropped out of graduate school when an acquaintance who was still in school asked my advice.
I was a bit surprised because we weren't friends. Something in our personalities made us incompatible. However, we weren't enemies either, and we each respected the other.
Here was her question: "Jim" (her boyfriend) "said that if we married and I dropped out of school and got a job to support both us, when he got his Ph.D. he would support me while I earned my doctorate. Do you think I should do it?"
Jim and my acquaintance each had a Masters degree.
"Do you want to marry Jim?" I asked.
"Well, yes."
I knew two women who had accepted similar offers and it didn't work out well for them.
I suggested a counter-offer. "I'd tell Jim that if he dropped out of graduate school and got a job to support both of you, then after you got your Ph.D. you'd support him while he went back to school."
Jim accepted her proposal. They married and he dropped out of school and got a job.
About that time I went to work out of state. When I returned four or five years later they were divorced. She had her Ph.D. and he had a Masters degree.