2008 Republican presidential nominee Dr. Bill Frist has made news once again fusing his medical background with his political yearning.
Last night, in the first of three nationally televised debates with Democratic presidential opponent Hillary Clinton, Frist leaned over his lectern at the start of the proceedings and declared voters have no choice but to support him because Clinton is in a persistent vegetative state.
"I know a persistent vegetative state when I see one, after all, I worked alongside Strom Thurmond for a few years." Frist said.
He continued: "Hillary Clinton fails to respond to visual stimuli, quite unlike her husband."
Frist later solemnly added that, as a politician, he was bound by his Hypocritic Oath to "simply call 'em as I want 'em."
Shedding crocodile tears in sympathy for his opponent's diagnosis, Frist shooed back the press as an AIDS preventative. "You just never know about sweat, saliva and things like that," he warned as his nose began enlarging.
In a question posed to him by a Faux news reporter, Frist admitted he hard no hard feelings towards his opponent and in fact he had kindly offered his professional services to surgically remove the twin horns rampaging out of Clinton's head.
Before leaving the building, he concluded with: "There is no more sacred virtue than the need to protect and preserve human life and we in the Republican Party feel that is especially so in Mrs. Clinton's case."