What follows is Bush's speech from the other night with the subtext tags turned on. Bush's mind is a scary place full of cursing and evil thoughts... but you knew that already didn't you?
Bush's bullshit is bold and stark just like in real life.
My apologies to the Scotty Show for the blatant rip off of the technique. Thanks.
The full text of Bush's speech is included, but since I paid for this crap to be written and shoved back at me with my tax dollars I consider myself to be the (shamefaced) owner of that text.
Follow the jump with caution.
Good evening. Five years ago, this date -- September the 11th -- was seared into America's memory.
Mostly because I have answered every question put to me since that day by saying 9-11. Get used to it because I have no intention of stopping. I'm going to jam 9-11 sidewise up your ass until you make me stop. It's what I'm going to be screaming as they storm my bunker and I struggle to join my sweet, sweet Eva - I mean Laura. So bring it, Bitches. 9-11. See that's another one specially for you, Sweetheart. 9-11. I'm unstoppable!
Nineteen men
none from Iraq
attacked us with a barbarity unequaled in our history.
Well, there was Nagasaki and Hiroshima but I meant brutal towards US... try to keep up.
They murdered people of all colors, creeds, and nationalities -- and made war upon the entire free world. Since that day, America and her allies have taken the offensive in a war unlike any we have fought before. Today, we are safer, but we are not yet safe. On this solemn night, I've asked for some of your time to discuss the nature of the threat still before us, what we are doing to protect our nation, and the building of a more hopeful Middle East that holds the key to peace for America and the world.
And that key is, of course, oil. Once we get our oil back from under their sand the world may once again rest peacefully but not before.
On 9/11, our nation saw the face of evil. Yet on that awful day, we also witnessed something distinctly American: ordinary citizens rising to the occasion, and responding with extraordinary acts of courage. We saw courage in office workers who were trapped on the high floors of burning skyscrapers -- and called home so that their last words to their families would be of comfort and love. We saw courage in passengers aboard Flight 93, who recited the 23rd Psalm
They were Christian soldiers. Good, planted that seed early... we'll get back to it. Count on it.
-- and then charged the cockpit. And we saw courage in the Pentagon staff who made it out of the flames and smoke -- and ran back in to answer cries for help. On this day, we remember the innocent who lost their lives -- and we pay tribute to those who gave their lives so that others might live.
For many of our citizens, the wounds of that morning are still fresh. I've met firefighters and police officers who choke up at the memory of fallen comrades. I've stood with families gathered on a grassy field in Pennsylvania, who take bittersweet pride in loved ones who refused to be victims -- and gave America our first victory in the war on terror. I've sat beside young mothers with children who are now five years old -- and still long for the daddies who will never cradle them in their arms. Out of this suffering, we resolve to honor every man and woman lost. And we seek their lasting memorial in a safer and more hopeful world.
Well we did for about a week. Then I decided to use their sacrifice and their memories to invade Iraq for fucking reason what-so-ever in their name. So I desecrated their memories and instead bringing Osama bin Laden to justice in some country I couldn't even spell I decided to divert the nation's time, attention and resources into a country with a name I could remember. Shit, how could I not kick the shit out of country that only has four little fucking letters in its name. I raped that country like 14 year-old and shot it's whole fucking family in their heads. Oh, snap! What? You say that was wrong? 9-11. See how sweet that is?
Since the horror of 9/11, we've learned a great deal about the enemy.
Mostly from PDBs I never read before the attack.
We have learned that they are evil and kill without mercy -- but not without purpose. We have learned that they form a global network of extremists who are driven by a perverted vision of Islam -- a totalitarian ideology that hates freedom, rejects tolerance, and despises all dissent.
And yet despite all we have in common they are still evil, funny how it works, huh?
And we have learned that their goal is to build a radical Islamic empire where women are prisoners in their homes, men are beaten for missing prayer meetings, and terrorists have a safe haven to plan and launch attacks on America and other civilized nations.
See Islamo-fascism is wrong. Christo-fascism is where its at, get on-board or get "left behind". And "left behind" involves a camp and something about lampshades... but I'm not supposed to talk about it.... yet.
The war against this enemy is more than a military conflict. It is the decisive ideological struggle of the 21st century, and the calling of our generation.
Yep, that's right. I've got such vision I'm plotting out the rest of this century in it's sixth year. You didn't have the balls to claim the rest of the century and that's why I'm in charge. I'm the decider! I'm predicting 94 more years of war with Eurasia here and now. And the chocolate ration is going up too so celebrate my magnificence, subjects. I mean, citizens.... yeah, right, that's what I meant.
Our nation is being tested in a way that we have not been since the start of the Cold War. We saw what a handful of our enemies can do with box-cutters and plane tickets. We hear their threats to launch even more terrible attacks on our people. And we know that if they were able to get their hands on weapons of mass destruction, they would use them against us.
Good thing we invaded Iraq to get those WMDs. Not North Korea that has nukes. Or Iran that one day may have nukes. And we sell uranium to India that has nukes. But none of that matters.... ooooohhhhhh.....be afraid.... oooooo...... nukes...... 9-11.
We face an enemy determined to bring death and suffering into our homes. America did not ask for this war, and every American wishes it were over. So do I.
No, I don't... I'm a war president -TM and I'm not stopping. Didn't you hear me say troops were going to be in Iraq as long as I'm president? I'm not planning for shit to be over, ever!
But the war is not over
Woohoo!
- and it will not be over until either we or the extremists emerge victorious. If we do not defeat these enemies now, we will leave our children to face a Middle East overrun by terrorist states and radical dictators armed with nuclear weapons. We are in a war that will set the course for this new century -- and determine the destiny of millions across the world.
Because I say so. Yep, just like that I dictated the whole next 100 years again. See that? Because the world of 1990 looked exactly like it did in 1906. It was easy to predict the political concerns of the entire century in 1906. It's not like two world wars happened after that or anything. Nope.
For America, 9/11 was more than a tragedy -- it changed the way we look at the world. On September the 11th, we resolved that we would go on the offense against our enemies, and we would not distinguish between the terrorists and those who harbor or support them.
In fact I can't tell one darkie from another. Why do you think we didn't help those darkies in New Orleans? Looked like terrorists to me.
So we helped drive the Taliban from power in Afghanistan.
But let Osama get away by taking our eye off the ball and moving onto Iraq before Apganikistan was done. Fuck that place - it's too hard to say.
We put al Qaeda on the run, and killed or captured most of those who planned the 9/11 attacks, including the man believed to be the mastermind, Khalid Sheik Mohammed.
Osama who? Please ignore the word "most" in the previous sentence.
He and other suspected terrorists have been questioned by the Central Intelligence Agency,
Yeah, we denied we had secret prisons and that we tortured people - but you didn't believe us anyway so it's not really a lie is it?
and they provided valuable information that has helped stop attacks in America and across the world.
Yeah, we really tortured the fuck out of them, tell you what.
Now these men have been transferred to Guantanamo Bay, so they can be held to account for their actions.
Who, which "they" the suspected terrorists or the CIA who operated a whole torture air fleet, a bunch of shadow prisons and tortured the fuck out of little brown people all over the world?
Osama bin Laden and other terrorists are still in hiding. Our message to them is clear: No matter how long it takes, America will find you, and we will bring you to justice.
And we send that message mostly by disbanding the CIA group tasked with finding him. This is the new government policy - it's too hard we stop. Like Bush in business, like Bush in the National Guard, like Bush... well, pretty much like Bush in anything really. So there's no one in the US government actually in charge of finding Osama.... now watch this drive.
On September the 11th, we learned that America must confront threats before they reach our shores, whether those threats come from terrorist networks or terrorist states.
[Then why the fuck did you attack Iraq which was not responsible for the 9-11 attacks? And you better not say some shit about how Saddam was a threat - because he wasn't. He had no WMDs and was threat to nobody. If you try and spin that tired old beaten-falt dead horse and there is a god your own intestines climb the fuck out of your lying gob and strangle you.]
I'm often asked why we're in Iraq when Saddam Hussein was not responsible for the 9/11 attacks.
[And?]
The answer is that the regime of Saddam Hussein was a clear threat. My administration, the Congress, and the United Nations saw the threat -- and after 9/11, Saddam's regime posed a risk that the world could not afford to take.
[Um... god? That's your cue... Hello? Is this thing on? Anyone? Bueller? Damn...]
The world is safer because Saddam Hussein is no longer in power.
Because a huge hole in the middle East filled with terrorists teetering on the brink of civil war that threatens to pull in every surrounding nation is better than an despot.
And now the challenge is to help the Iraqi people build a democracy that fulfills the dreams of the nearly 12 million Iraqis who came out to vote in free elections last December.
[Is that the challenge now? After four fucking years NOW that the challenge? NOW we're concerned with nation building? Glad we got the challenge outlined. How many years before we get a plan to address that challenge?]
Al Qaeda and other extremists from across the world have come to Iraq to stop the rise of a free society in the heart of the Middle East.
As we have here in a America.
They have joined the remnants of Saddam's regime and other armed groups to foment sectarian violence and drive us out.
No they don't. They want us there causing discontent and where they can try to blow us up.
Our enemies in Iraq are tough and they are committed -- but so are Iraqi and coalition forces. We're adapting to stay ahead of the enemy,
Stay the course. That's adaptation, dammit.
and we are carrying out a clear plan to ensure that a democratic Iraq succeeds.
Stay the course. What could be clearer? It has lead to so much success so far it's only going to get better. The trends only go down if you don't flip the chart sideways the way I do.
We're training Iraqi troops so they can defend their nation.
Or kill each other more effectively in a bloody religious and civil war. Whichever.
We're helping Iraq's unity government grow in strength and serve its people. We will not leave until this work is done. Whatever mistakes have been made in Iraq,
And when I say mistakes I mean by the Iraqis, of course. Those darkies can't do shit right.
the worst mistake would be to think that if we pulled out, the terrorists would leave us alone.
What if pull out and don't think that - is it a mistake then?
They will not leave us alone. They will follow us.
See they have a quality American public school edukation so they can't find us on a map. But if we leave they'll follow us back and find America. Maybe if on the way home we stop and pretend to live in France they'll be fooled and stop there instead.
The safety of America depends on the outcome of the battle in the streets of Baghdad.
I don't see how that works at all - but if you're right then American is seriously fucked.
Osama bin Laden calls this fight "the Third World War"
Actually that was a different misogynist and wacko. Newt Gingrich.
-- and he says that victory for the terrorists in Iraq will mean America's "defeat and disgrace forever." If we yield Iraq to men like bin Laden, our enemies will be emboldened; they will gain a new safe haven; they will use Iraq's resources to fuel their extremist movement.
And we fully intending to use Iraq's resources to fuel OUR extremist movement. Bastards.
We will not allow this to happen.
It's our oil.
America will stay in the fight.
The fight for oil.
Iraq will be a free nation
well, free from oil, anyway.
and a strong ally in the war on terror.
And we needs allies to wage terror. I mean fight terror. Whichever. Those permanent bases are gonna rock!
We can be confident that our coalition will succeed because the Iraqi people have been steadfast in the face of unspeakable violence.
Like they have a choice.
And we can be confident in victory because of the skill and resolve of America's Armed Forces.
No, we can be confident the military will defeat armies, take land and secure areas. Which they did. Like 3 years ago. But they're still there not because there are armies to defeat or land to take but the plan as send the Army and then stay the course. So we're staying the course.
Every one of our troops is a volunteer, and since the attacks of September the 11th, more than 1.6 million Americans have stepped forward to put on our nation's uniform. In Iraq, Afghanistan, and other fronts in the war on terror, the men and women of our military are making great sacrifices to keep us safe. Some have suffered terrible injuries -- and nearly 3,000 have given their lives. America cherishes their memory. We pray for their families. And we will never back down from the work they have begun.
We also honor those who toil day and night to keep our homeland safe, and we are giving them the tools they need to protect our people. We've created the Department of Homeland Security.
We have torn down the wall that kept law enforcement and intelligence from sharing information.
Along with the walls between law enforcement and citizens. The Constitution is just a god-damned piece of paper!
We've tightened security at our airports and seaports and borders, and we've created new programs to monitor enemy bank records and phone calls.
Notice by "enemy" I don't specify "foreign enemy" - just "enemy". You're not an "enemy" are you citizen?
Thanks to the hard work of our law enforcement and intelligence professionals, we have broken up terrorist cells in our midst and saved American lives.
Five years after 9/11, our enemies have not succeeded in launching another attack on our soil, but they've not been idle. Al Qaeda and those inspired by its hateful ideology have carried out terrorist attacks in more than two dozen nations. And just last month, they were foiled in a plot to blow up passenger planes headed for the United States. They remain determined to attack America and kill our citizens -- and we are determined to stop them. We'll continue to give the men and women who protect us every resource and legal authority they need to do their jobs.
In the first days after the 9/11 attacks I promised to use every element of national power to fight the terrorists, wherever we find them.
And if you don't want us to find them in you then you better straighten up and fly right.
One of the strongest weapons in our arsenal is the power of freedom.
The freedom to tap and torture without oversight. Freedom from checks and balances. Freedom from a dogged press.
The terrorists fear freedom as much as they do our firepower.
That just doesn't make any sense at all now does it? 9-11.
They are thrown into panic at the sight of an old man pulling the election lever, girls enrolling in schools, or families worshiping God in their own traditions. They know that given a choice, people will choose freedom over their extremist ideology. So their answer is to deny people this choice by raging against the forces of freedom and moderation. This struggle has been called a clash of civilizations. In truth, it is a struggle for civilization.
And by civilization I, of course, mean oil.
We are fighting to maintain the way of life enjoyed by free nations.
Mostly through free flow of oil.
And we're fighting for the possibility that good and decent people across the Middle East can raise up societies based on freedom and tolerance and personal dignity.
They can work at filling stations and oil pipeline
We are now in the early hours of this struggle between tyranny and freedom. Amid the violence, some question whether the people of the Middle East want their freedom, and whether the forces of moderation can prevail.
Like in places like Saudi Arabia.
For 60 years, these doubts guided our policies in the Middle East. And then, on a bright September morning, it became clear that the calm we saw in the Middle East was only a mirage. Years of pursuing stability to promote peace had left us with neither.
And by "pursuing stability" I mean blindly supporting Israel and shielding them from any repercussion for their actions in the UN.
So we changed our policies,
And by "changed our policies" I mean blindly supporting Israel and shielding them from any repercussion for their actions in the UN and rushing them jet fuel and bombs ahead of the ceasefire.
and committed America's influence in the world to advancing freedom and democracy as the great alternatives to repression and radicalism.
And by influence I mean the Army. No political will, nation building, infrastructure building - just military might.
With our help, the people of the Middle East are now stepping forward to claim their freedom. From Kabul to Baghdad to Beirut, there are brave men and women risking their lives each day for the same freedoms that we enjoy. And they have one question for us: Do we have the confidence to do in the Middle East what our fathers and grandfathers accomplished in Europe and Asia? By standing with democratic leaders and reformers, by giving voice to the hopes of decent men and women, we're offering a path away from radicalism. And we are enlisting the most powerful force for peace and moderation in the Middle East: the desire of millions to be free.
Across the broader Middle East, the extremists are fighting to prevent such a future.
Mostly they are people we support running big countries like Saudi Arabia.
Yet America has confronted evil before, and we have defeated it -- sometimes at the cost of thousands of good men in a single battle.
And I in no way say this to diminish our losses in Iraq. Really I don't. Alright maybe... but just a little. But come on people - 3,000? That's small potatoes! It's too many for me to have attended any funerals and it's so many that Rummy needs to use a machine to sign the condolences letters but it's still not THAT many. Stop bothering me with these tiny numbers because I'm prepared to loose a bunch more. Ever heard of Iran?
When Franklin Roosevelt vowed to defeat two enemies across two oceans, he could not have foreseen D-Day and Iwo Jima -- but he would not have been surprised at the outcome.
He would be even more surprised that we have been in Iraq longer than we were in Europe to defeat Hitler.
When Harry Truman promised American support for free peoples resisting Soviet aggression, he could not have foreseen the rise of the Berlin Wall -- but he would not have been surprised to see it brought down. Throughout our history, America has seen liberty challenged, and every time, we have seen liberty triumph with sacrifice and determination.
At the start of this young century, America looks to the day when the people of the Middle East leave the desert of despotism for the fertile gardens of liberty, and resume their rightful place in a world of peace and prosperity. We look to the day when the nations of that region recognize their greatest resource is not the oil in the ground, but the talent and creativity of their people.
You got some real nice talented and creative people here... I'd hate to see anything happen to them. Aren't they worth more than your oil? I knew you'd see my way
We look to the day when moms and dads throughout the Middle East see a future of hope and opportunity for their children. And when that good day comes, the clouds of war will part, the appeal of radicalism will decline, and we will leave our children with a better and safer world.
On this solemn anniversary, we rededicate ourselves to this cause. Our nation has endured trials, and we face a difficult road ahead.
Impeachment, trial and imprisonment. The revealing of the ugly details of all the illegal spying practices, prisons, torture and war profiteering.
Winning this war will require the determined efforts of a unified country, and we must put aside our differences and work together to meet the test that history has given us.
We will have to vote for impeachment as a whole. But that seems like less of problem day by days.
We will defeat our enemies.
[The neocons.]
We will protect our people.
[And the constitution.]
And we will lead the 21st century into a shining age of human liberty.
[Starting with America, hopefully.]
Earlier this year, I traveled to the United States Military Academy. I was there to deliver the commencement address to the first class to arrive at West Point after the attacks of September the 11th.
Don't these guys know about the Guard? Suckers... What? We sending them too? Damn sucks to be them... glad it wasn't that way when I there...
That day I met a proud mom named RoseEllen Dowdell. She was there to watch her son, Patrick, accept his commission in the finest Army the world has ever known. A few weeks earlier, RoseEllen had watched her other son, James, graduate from the Fire Academy in New York City. On both these days, her thoughts turned to someone who was not there to share the moment: her husband, Kevin Dowdell. Kevin was one of the 343 firefighters who rushed to the burning towers of the World Trade Center on September the 11th -- and never came home. His sons lost their father that day, but not the passion for service he instilled in them. Here is what RoseEllen says about her boys: "As a mother, I cross my fingers and pray all the time for their safety -- but as worried as I am, I'm also proud, and I know their dad would be, too."
Our nation is blessed to have young Americans like these -- and we will need them.
We need at least 2,670 of them as of today. Well, almost 12,000 if you count wounded who didn't return to duty - apparently you can't send them suckers back in there... too bad. Wasn't like that in the Guard... if you had a hang-over you played with the pain. Golf, broads, more boozing whatever...
Dangerous enemies have declared their intention to destroy our way of life. They're not the first to try, and their fate will be the same as those who tried before.
That was my swagger moment - from a guy who's AWOL from the National Guard but landed on an big boat to declare this war over. So why are we still there? Ummm..... 9-11! Wow that was close...
Nine-Eleven showed us why. The attacks were meant to bring us to our knees, and they did, but not in the way the terrorists intended. Americans united in prayer,
Holy fuck, did Bush just say that the terror attacks drove us to the Christian God?
came to the aid of neighbors in need, and resolved that our enemies would not have the last word. The spirit of our people is the source of America's strength.
Christian strength - the rest of you heathens can fuck off and die with the other darkie.
And we go forward with trust in that spirit,
See 'spirit' doesn't necessarily mean 'God'
confidence in our purpose, and faith in a loving God who made us to be free.
Oops - apparently it does.
Thank you, and may God bless you.
"I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just; that his justice cannot sleep forever." - Thomas Jefferson