After years of having my 70-something uncle send me viral emails that basically bash liberals, he sent me this one today. Did hell freeze over, or is there really a change in the air?
To be a Republican you need to believe:
- Jesus loves you,and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
- Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him,a bad guy when Bush's Daddy made war on him,a good guy when Cheney did business with him,and a bad guy when Bush needed a"we can't find Bin Laden"diversion.
- Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist,but trade with China and Viet Nam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
- The United States should get out of the United Nations,and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
- A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body,but multinational drug corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
- The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches,while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
- If condoms are kept out of schools,adolescents won't have sex.
- A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies,then demand their cooperation and money.
- Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy,but providing health care to all Americans is socialism.HMO's and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.
- Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science,but creationism should be taught in schools.
- A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense,but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
- Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
- The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades,but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.
- Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
- Supporting "Executive Privilege" for every Republican ever born,who will be born or who might be born (in perpetuity.)
- What Bill Clinton did in the 1960's is of vital national interest,but what Bush did in the '80's is irrelevant.
- Support hunters who shoot their friends and blame them for wearing orange vests similar to those worn by the quail.