Under the supervision of Karl Rove, John McCain prepare for his first debate with the assistance of-
Joe Lieberman playing George Stephanopoulos;
Lindsay Graham playing Charlie Gibson;
Carly Fiorina playing Katie Couric.
Rove: First, be aggressive, show 'em your balls. And keep your message simple. You know, it's KISS-keep it simple, stupid not "keep it stupid, simpleton." Talk about the surge, the media will run with it and reinforce anything you say.
Joe Lieberman: Uhhhhhhhh, notation, Senator. By "showing your balls," he does not mean for you to actually whip out your uhhhhh errrrr equipm....
Rove: STFU, Palomino. If you knew anything about balls or debates Cheney wouldn't have cleaned your clock.
JL: Palomino? Is that a reference to my bi-partisan spirit or to George Stephanopoulos?
Rove: Come to think of it, you do have some things in common: mealy-mouthed former Dems but Palamino was referring to you being a suck up to the Maverick.
JL: Well, you certainly have earned your nickname of Bird Blossum! (Lieberman looks pleased with himself for the zinger.)
McCain: Turd, not bird, and can we get started here? Hit me, hard. Gestures to CF playing KC.
CF playing KC: Senator McCain, could you tell us how your heroic life experience of being held captive in Vietnam helped to prepare you to lead the country?
McCain: Yes, and while I was held captive in Vietnam, Barack Obama was smoking weed at Woodstock and hanging out with the sheep pervert but back to your question....
JL: Notation, Senator. Barack Obama, I don't believe, was at Woodstock. Ummmmm, I believe he was only 8 years old or so. The media might notice this.
Rove: Leave it in. By the time they correct the record, the image will be out there. Carry on!
McCain: Hit me harder.
CF as KC: Why do you suppose Barack Obama refuses to acknowledge how wrong he was on the surge?
McCain: Beats me. But I was right on that. Surge! Surge! Surge! Hit me harder.
CF as KC: Well, I don't know if I should ask this but about the scurilous rumors started by the NY Times about your relationship with a lobbyist. The lobbyist hasn't been seen since and people are wondering....
McCain: You c#^t!
JL: Notation, Senator. You probably don't want to call Katie Couric a ummmm a foul name. She was most helpful in helping keeping the surge questioning going.
Rove, trying to calm McCain down: Lindsay, ask a question for Charlie.
LG as CG: What ahhre your-r-r-r plans to reeduuuce the faedayral budget and trim deficit spending?
Rove: Try to sound more like Gibson. You sound like fucking Gomer Pyle!
McCain: Dump earmarks! Purge! Purge! Purge!
LG as CG: That's pretty small potatoes though. How about but some bigger cuts?
McCain: I'll also combine agencies and maybe get rid of Education, maybe HEW. Put all the safety and protection function under the military. Merge! Merge! Merge!
JL: Notation, Senator. It hasn't been called HEW since
Rove, walking off muttering: Let's take a break. Dirge! Dirge! Dirge!