Let me preface this diary by saying that I spent 10 years attending recovery meetings and I am quite familiar with addiction and addictive behavior. I am the walking embodiment of addictive behavior. The only successful way I have ever quit anything was cold turkey. The problem with food is that I cannot treat it like an all or nothing proposition. I can't quit eating unless I feel like dying, so I must learn to have an ongoing relationship with food dispite my cravings.
What I learned in recovery is that humans are rational beings, meaning we can rationalize just about any hockum we can dream up. Give me enough time and I can come up with a perfectly valid reason for eathing a piece of chocolate cake or a slice of blueberry pie.
WHEE (Weight, Health, Eating and Exercise) is a community support diary for Kossacks who are currently or planning to start losing, gaining or maintaining their weight through diet and exercise or fitness. Any supportive comments, suggestions or positive distractions are appreciated. If you are working on your weight or fitness, please -- join us! You can also click the WHEE tag to view all diary posts
For me, the paradox of dieting is that the more I restrict my food, the more I think about food. I plan what I can eat down to the last tasty morsel, working up an anticipation I rarely felt when I was eating whatever I wanted. Food that was once merely "good" now takes on a mythical quality as my mind waxes poetic on the finer qualities of a perfect latte with its fuzzy halo of foamy milk lightly sprinkled with sugar.
I obsess on that which I cannot have, even if I am the one witholding said item. Part of me is the rational adult that knows eating the right foods is good for my health and fitness, the other part is the sulky child that has been denied dessert by an overbearing Mother. The more I feel deprived the more I crave those things that are missing, that my inner child craves.
How do I deal with this? Well, everyone is different, but I choose to deal with it by allowing myself those things I am craving. Not all the time like an overly permissive parent, but sometimes and in reasonable quantities, like a good parent. In other words, I have had to learn to be a good parent to myself and to respond to the cries of "I WANT, I WANT!" just as any parent must deal with a small child that doesn't understand what is good for it.
Now, about falling off the wagon. Well, sometimes that inner child gets out of control and the next thing I know, I have rationalized a full blown Outback Steakhouse run. At that point it is far too easy to throw in the towel, to say, "Screw it, this will never work." That is the sneaky bit. My addiction is telling me to give up, take the easier, softer way and eat what I want. If I listen to that voice of defeat I truly am lost and so is all the progress I have made so far. No, it is far better to get back on that horse and ride it for all it is worth. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone falls down once in a while, but the difference between failure and success is the ability to get back up and keep going, because you haven't failed until you stop trying.
I took a two week break and boy oh boy was it difficult to stop once I got started. I had to set a specific date and stand by it. Well, now I am on day five of being back on the plan and I feel fine, but day one wasn't easy...especially when I stood on the scales and saw that it read six, SIX pounds more than it had said just a couple weeks before. Okay, so I knew at least two pounds were going to be water weight (dropped already) but it is scary and depressing to see how fast I can gain back that which I worked so hard to ditch.
Anyway, that is my .02, I hope it helps someone. Maybe if you post what has worked for you, it will help.
December 11
Fri AM - Ed G
Fri PM - Sychotic1
December 12
Sat AM - ???
Sat PM - Edward Spurlock (Kessler, Ch. 31)
December 13
Sun AM - ???
Sun PM - Holiday Fit Club - kismet
December 14
Monday AM - NC Dem
Monday PM - ???
December 15
Tues AM - ???
Tues PM - Clio2 (Kessler, Ch. 32)
December 16
Weds AM - ???
Weds PM - Edward Spurlock
December 17
Thurs AM - ???
Thurs PM - ???