Our rights under the Constitution are sacrosanct. One of those rights is the right to keep and bear arms. Another - and equal - right is our right to vote. And - tsk tsk - it's just sad how badly we treat gun owners compared to the way we coddle voters. So here's my modest proposal to ensure that our fellow citizens' God-given right to own guns is properly protected in this country: Make sure that the right to buy and own guns is protected the exact same way our right to vote is protected. The same - no less and no more. After all, we certainly don't want the victimized gun owners to miss out on all the privileges accorded voters, do we? So on a state by state basis let's even things out:
Wherever voters enjoy the socializing and great American outdoors by waiting in line for 7 hours in order to vote, let's have a law that makes sure gun owners also stand in line 7 hours at a register to take possession of their fire arm. In line to vote 5 hours? Then 5 hours at the cash register for a gun. It's all about equality of rights. I'm sure gun owners will appreciate the concession.
If you need an annual, updated government issued ID with an expiration date to vote, you likewise get to enjoy that required benefit to buy a gun; then provide an updated ID every year to keep your gun.
If you have to stand in line a few hours at the DMV to get that ID and pay to get a birth certificate, that's just icing on the cake that we'll throw in. The NRA can thank us later.
Wherever voters have voting days cut back, we will of course reduce the days you can buy guns. We certainly don't want to single gun owners out.
And look at the process for registering to vote! No equality at all. It's criminal the way we mistreat gun owners. To vote you have the privilege of registering in advance with lots of paperwork. On the other hand people who attend gun shows don't have that honor. They just walk in, plonk down their money and walk out with enough guns and ammo to wipe out a classroom or two. Where's the fairness? Let's make prospective voters show up at "election shows" and just say they want to be registered to vote, then force them to register right there on the spot with no questions asked.
In any state where voters have the privilege of voting on one weekday, then gun owners should be likewise protected: no forcing buyers to chose to purchase their gun on a weekend.
Why do we have two such basic rights enshrined in our Constitution, but treat the exercise of these rights so differently? This modest proposal will make sure that voters and gun owners get equal protection under the law.
Because that's what the Constitution's all about, right? And we know how much the NRA loves the Constitution, don't we?