After a long summer, Little Suzie Newsykins is here to tell us all about her summer job with the Obama administration. The White House seems to be a little, um, confused about their various foreign policy positions and it's Suzie's job to explain what they really mean. It never helps when you paint yourself into a corner the way Obama did with the "red line" Syria statement, not to mention the fact no one seems able to call a coup a coup.
With all the saber-rattling going on, imprisonment and heavy-handed prosecution, I thought that Barack Obama may be going through a little reassignment surgery of his own. (And yes, as you probably guessed, that was my favorite scene to create. Creepiest, too.) For those of you wondering why it took me so long to point out flaws in Obama, never fear, I've been doing this for years.
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[Little Suzie Newsykins]
Now that I'm back in school, it's time for my report: "What I did on my summer vacation!"
This summer, I worked for President Obama-- and learned to express outrage when that sneaky, lying, not-a-patriot Edward Snowden leaked the leaks he leaked . . . hmph!
. . . but also expressed appreciation for the debate he started! Heehee!
Thank you, not-a-patriot Edward Snowden, for starting the conversation this administration was really juuuust about to start anyway! Heehee!
We just hadn't quite gotten around to it yet . . .
. . . because, we've been so busy prosecuting more leakers than all previous presidents, combined! That's tough work!
It's hard to balance security with, um, with . . . what was that other one? Security with, um . . . never mind!
I also worked with the State Department and learned all about what is a coup, and what is not a coup!
In Egypt, this is not a coup, but this is a coup! Simple, see?
Foreign policy is fun! Particularly when you can do it from Las Vegas, Nevada!
We've eased off on the drone strikes . . . except when we haven't! Heeheehee!
And finally, this summer, I also learned all about science and reassignment surgery!
After Bradley Manning was sentenced to the longest prison term of any leaker in U.S. history, the president said: "Call me George W. Obama . . ."
. . . And finally came to terms with his true self.
And that's what I did on my summer vacation the end.