The recent incident involving actress Danielle Watts is not an isolated incident of black women being assumed to be prostitutes. If you're unfamiliar with that story you can read more here.
I almost diaried my own experience and didn't, but I will now as part of this diary.
First:
Kantaki Washington, the executive director of Sol Afrik, and her two friends were invited to the downstairs bar at the swanky West Village hotel by a group of men they met in the lobby. An African American man walked up to their table to talk to the women but was quickly escorted out by a security guard, which the women thought was "odd."
However, before the security guard walked away, he looked at the three women and said, "Come on, ladies, you can buy drinks here, but you cannot solicit."
Washington and her friends were confused and questioned the guard.
Three friends, meeting in a bar and automatically they're prostitutes. Hmm why could that be? I'm sure it's not because they were the only three black women in the bar right?
"That’s when I stood up and explained, ‘Look, I have a legal background, I went to law school, what are you saying? These women are educators. There’s no way that we are here soliciting, nor do we have any reason to solicit.' And he was like, 'I don’t really care who you are,'" Washington said.
Because no matter what you've accomplished; no matter the fact that you haven't done anything ; no matter anything...black women in a place that's predominantly white must mean you're a hooker right?
Natch the hotel apologized after humiliating the women. Well after the women raised a stink. Well after the story went public and it was bad publicity. How did they apologize?
The hotel subsequently emailed Washington, offering to sponsor a dinner for her and her friends that she said would have amounted to about $400 and a bottle of champagne. However, the women found the offer offensive.
"For us, it was kind of an insult to be given a dinner. We felt like we’re professional women, we can kind of afford that," she said. "We think there should be more of a greater action taken on behalf of the hotel. They need to make sure that patrons feel comfortable, that they have a good image and also to rectify the situation. We were the only African American women in there."
Public humiliation and a traumatic experience that you'll remember for the rest of your life is made all better by dinner right?
My own story:
Four years ago we took a memorable family road trip to take our son to college. It coincided with the celebration of our 20th wedding anniversary and to celebrate, my husband planned a couple of special stops on the way home including a couple of nights in Las Vegas at one of the high end luxury resorts.
My husband is a planner of the first order. This is a man who went to the restaurant where he proposed to be before he did so, picked out the exact table, menu, and made the manager do a walk thru. Any trip we take, suffice it to say the details are covered.
We arrive, and the front desk is at first appropriately solicitous to my husband. "Welcome Mr. Vita Brevis....so excited to have you" . I'd stopped in the restroom since we'd been on the road for a few hours, but could see this exchange as I approached the desk and stood next to my husband. Hubs is white. I'm black.
Desk clerk's facial expression turns immediately and he inititally says to me "I'll be with you when I'm done with this gentleman". Oh it's the "you can't possibly be together" look. Been there, done but already I know our special getaway is tainted.
My husband makes it clear that we're together by kissing me. An appropriate married 20 years quick peck on the lips. Turns back to the desk clerk who's been watching and resumes interacting w/ my husband only but much much cooler in tone.
"OK Mr. Vita Brevis will you need more than one room key?" Husband tells him yes, we'll need two. Desk clerk gives me a long look and says: "And who is this?" The look he gave just said it all.
Back to my husband the planner. When he makes reservations for us he makes reservations for US. He ensures that it's Mr and Mrs our names and he does it exactly for this reason. As I later learned he'd made sure they knew it was our anniversary when he made the reservation and made sure that both our names were in their system etc. We had other things that came with our package that included a spa visit, performance tickets etc that he ensured had both our names on them.
Desk clerk now needs to see my ID "for check in purposes" which he looks at long and hard. My husband has already given his which the guy barely looked at. I make a point of gesturing with my ring hand. This both infuriates me and is a fuck you to the desk clerk . "Yes he put a ring on it 20 years ago not that I need to justify anything to you asshole" is what I'm thinking in my head. I knew immediately from that look that not only did he not think I was my husband's wife, but I must have been some "companionship" my husband picked up.
Did he say that? No. Did he have to? NO. In an instant I felt embarrassed, humiliated, and stigmatized from just a look. It was enough. No it wasn't an "honest mistake" because WTF? And no I didn't jump to a conclusion or mis-read the situation. In the time it took us to check in three other couples had checked in so in addition to the humiliation of the situation itself, we're now getting stares from everyone at the front desk.
"Who is this?". My husband is not having any of it and says in his chilliest voice "get your manager now" . The rest is a semi-sincere apology yada yada, something sent to the room, warm bottle of champagne, but that moment lives forever. Just like I'm sure it will for Kantaki Washington and her friends.