From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
I'm Not Just Polling Your Leg
With the exception of that one kid at the White House Science Fair whose time travel experiment went terribly wrong, the first quarter of 2015 is behind us. And that means it's C&J number-crunching time. Every few months we revisit the results of some past C&J polls (no relation to polls commissioned by Kos) to give you a retro-snapshot of just what the hell "you people" were thinking back in the days from January through March. The total number of votes each poll received is in parentheses so you'll know it's not just me and the cat voting, but rather me and thousands of cats:
• After six years in office, 37 percent of you give President Obama an A grade. 47 percent give him a B and 7 percent a C. (6,607)
• As far as the Obama administration's proposal to allow offshore oil exploration and possible drilling off the mid-Atlantic coast, 83 percent of you say no way. (3,461)
• 97 percent disagree with Mitch McConnell when he claims Republicans are responsible for the economic recovery (3,521)
As of today, Simba has
voted "bananas" in 1,000
consecutive C&J polls.
• In terms of how well Debbie Wasserman-Schultz is doing as DNC chair, 24 percent rate her good/excellent, 30 percent rate her fair, and 43 percent rate her poor/terrible. (3,484)
• 57 percent thought the Department of Justice's report on the Ferguson Police Department's abuses against the African-American community was about what they expected, while 36 percent said it was worse than they expected. (3,158)
• 91 percent approve of the Democratic proposal unveiled by Rep. Chris Van Hollen to levy new fees on Wall Street transactions and eliminate tax breaks for the top one percent, and shifting the money to the poor and middle class. (4,365)
• After two months of majority rule over the House and Senate, 1 percent rate the overall competence of Republicans excellent, good or fair. 85 percent chose the option marked, "there's no competency to rate." (3,875)
• Of the facial-haired presidents, 46 percent would rather have lunch with Abraham Lincoln, 36 percent with Teddy Roosevelt, and 7 percent with Grant. (3,431)
• 81 percent of you say no to the Trans-Pacific Partnership trade agreement. Only 3 percent say yes. (2,981)
• In terms of the various NASA and SpaceX projects underway or in the planning stages, 45 percent are paying very or somewhat close attention to them, while 55 percent are not. (2,708)
As always, we bow to your superior wisdom. But not too low, because we hear that's tyranny.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, April 1, 2015
Note: Today is April Fools Day. It's the day we have permission to put our scruples aside, make up wild stories and endlessly bamboozle people. Or as they call it in Washington, DC: Wednesday.
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16 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til opening day for the Red Sox:
5
Days 'til the
Sweetwater 420 Fest in Atlanta:
16
Percent of Americans surveyed for a
Washington Post-ABC News poll who support President Obama's negotiations
with Iran:
59%
Percent of Republicans who do and don't support, respectively, President Obama's negotiations with Iran:
47, 43%
Year that
Streit's matzo bakery, which is moving out of the neighborhood after this year, opened in Manhattan's Lower East Side:
1916
Percent chance it was
shorts-and-tank-top weather in Antarctica
when it reached 63 degrees there last Tuesday:
100%
Age of Noah Taylor, the South African comedian hired to replace
Jon Stewart on
The Daily Show:
31
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 181 (including 3 occults and 1 pope dropping subtle hints that it's time to start packing our bags). Soul Protection Factor 16 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: I wonder if Clarence Thomas ever wondered, "What's this Chihuahua doing on my Coke can???"
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"Og say: Flurrs is purty!"
CHEERS to April! Wikipedia tells me that "The traditional etymology is from the verb aperire, 'to open,' in allusion to its being the season when trees and flowers begin to 'open,' ... The birthstone of April is the diamond, and the birth flower is typically listed as either the Daisy (Bellis perennis) or the Sweet Pea. Zodiac signs for the month are Aries (until April 19) and Taurus (April 20 onwards)."
Those who call April the cruelest month have never spent a March in Maine. Besides, baseball season is almost here (Go Sox of the reddish variety!), the Masters golf tournament starts next week, the flowers are starting to go "Poink!" (at least that's the rumor), plus there's Easter, Earth Day, Patriots Day (when Tom Brady dresses up as George Washington and throws a touchdown on Lexington Green), Arbor Day, National 8-Track Tape Day, Administrative Professionals Day, Game of Thrones premieres on the 12th, the Pulitzers get handed out starting on the 20th, the Supreme Court hears gay-marriage arguments on the 28th (more on that below), and there's a total lunar eclipse Saturday. Then again, taxes are due in a couple weeks. Okay, fine: cruel it is.
CHEERS to getting tapped on the shoulder by history. Oral arguments before the Supreme Court on the issue of same-sex marriage are just four weeks away, and now we know who will be doing the arguing for Team Equality. And bless my buttons, it's that lady I occasionally bump into at the grocery store…
Portland's Mary Bonauto
has a habit of not losing.
One of the key architects of the marriage equality movement, Mary Bonauto, will argue in support of same-sex couples’ marriage rights at the Supreme Court on April 28, the legal teams representing the marriage cases at the court told the clerk on Tuesday. […]
In addition to Bonauto, who will argue for 30 minutes on the marriage question, she will be joined by a lawyer from the Solicitor General’s Office, which weighed in at the court to support nationwide marriage equality earlier this month.
I believe it's Barney Frank who referred to Bonauto---who lives in Portland and was instrumental in bringing marriage equality to Massachusetts and then helped get a chunk of DOMA overturned---as the
"Thurgood Marshall of the gay rights movement." Meanwhile a third attorney, Douglas Hallward-Driemeier of Ropes & Gray, will argue separately in the matter of legal recognition of same-sex couples married out of state. Sorry, but I'm not sure which grocery store he shops at.
P.S. Indiana Governor Mike Pence dug himself deeper into his (and the state Republican party's) hole during a press event yesterday morning. Pretty much what I would expect from a guy who makes his living being a dirtbag.
(Tentative) CHEERS to "The deal." The March 31 deadline for a nuclear agreement with Iran came and went…but…the talks are still going on. C&J commissioned our designated NSA tracker Bart to listen in on the latest meeting, and this is a rush transcript:
Um...stay calm?
"You say Tomayto. I say Tuhmahto"
"Well, you say potayto and I say puhtahto"
"How 'bout we call 'em pomatoes and topatoes?"
"No. I prefer puhmahtos and tuhpahtoes."
"How about shtuhbatoes!"
"Oh, shut up, Russia. Whose turn is it?"
"China's."
"The spinner says left hand on blue, right foot on green."
"This is impossible game!"
[Ding-dong!]
"Pizza's here! Someone needs to get the door!"
"Who still has their pants on? Britain! Get the door!"
This bodes well, I think. They're all drunk.
JEERS to crazy fool stunts. On April 1, 1930, baseball Hall-of-Famer Leo "Gabby" Hartnett of the Chicago Cubs broke some kind of altitude record by catching a baseball dropped from the Goodyear blimp 800 feet over Los Angeles. He caught the ball awkwardly, and it broke his jaw. We think someone should faithfully re-enact that stunt on its 85th anniversary with complete historical accuracy. Is Bill O'Reilly busy today?
CHEERS to shiny happy people. Some good news on the consumer confidence front, as We The People start feeling a little more of the proverbial skip to our lou. (Or is that loo? But then, why would anyone skip to a toilet? Never mind, this is getting complicated.) The Conference Board's index for March registered its highest number since mid-2007 when it
rose from 98.8 to 101.3. Looking at my translation chart, that means we've gone from "unprodigous" to "propitious." Another good month and we might hit "plucky" for the first time since Clinton.
CHEERS to---squeaky squeaky!---that clean plate sound. On this date in 1889, the first dishwashing machine was marketed in Chicago. We have one in our house---a rescue mutt named Haley. Upside: she saves us a bundle on electricity. Downside: poops way more than a Kenmore.
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Ten years ago in C&J: April 1, 2005
Top 10 Things I'm going to do when C&J premieres on the DailyKos Front Page next week:
10. Since "Bill in Portland Maine" is hard to pronounce, change my screen name to "Bill Gannon."
9. To cut costs, stop changing the air filters in the diaries section.
8. Slip "Koufax Award-winning" into every item.
7. Change underwear (it's that time of year anyway).
6. Make a horrendous encoding mistake, shutting down the site for 3 days.
5. Start interpreting the Bible literally. Everyone who deserves a stoning, gets a stoning.
4. Start enriching C&J with Vitamin C, folic acid and riboflavin.
3. Find out once and for all what the hell a "blog" is.
2. Walk up to Armando, press my finger into his chest and say, "I'm putting you on notice, cowboy."
And #1: Look you in the eye and say, "I told you it wasn't an April Fool's joke."
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And just one more…
Bottom's up, truth-telling lady!
CHEERS to Rachel Maddow---TV host, razor-sharp political analyst, hypocrisy slayer, Rhodes Scholar and...birthday chick. MSNBC's brightest bulb turns 42 today. (Ugh…I'm old enough to be her father, assuming I sired a child at 8.) Every night, piece by piece and brick by brick, she dismantles the GOP monolith and corporate shennanigans with such grace and dexterity that her conservative guests usually end up thanking her for the gutting. She's been particularly tough over the past year on fossil fuel disasters, Chris Christie, the war on women and
attack owls in Oregon. She tolerates no BS---and that's why we love her. But if her media career ever fizzles, she can always fall back on her
expertise as a mixologist. Cheers, Rachel, and---everybody say it with me---many blessings on your camels.
Have a nice Wednesday. Ha Ha! That was another April Fool's Day joke because what I really mean is have a pleasant Wednesday. You TOTALLY fell for it! Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Anyone who reads Cheers and Jeers will indeed walk away with a greater understanding of Bill in Portland Maine---but that doesn't mean they won't be enraged and horrified by him.
---Scott Meslow, The Week
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