This week, self-made (board-certified) ophthalmologist Rand Paul took a little time out of his busy schedule to formally announce that he's running for president.
The announcement came as a surprise to no one, but it delighted some of the web's darkest fringes, nonetheless.
Finally, after many long years in the wilderness, tin foil hatters; Constitution fetishists; Libert-Aryans; gun-humpers; tax protestors; Bitcoin enthusiasts; home schoolers; Fed-enders; password protectionists; Wikipedia editors; crazy diamonds; Aqua Buddhists; Pinnochio fans; and, freedom worshippers have a viable candidate that they can be proud to call their own.
Never again (or at least not until 2020) will they be forced to choose between the lesser of two evils.
Rand's campaign admittedly got off to a rocky start, but any lingering (gotcha) questions about his readiness for primetime were quickly put to rest when—demonstrating a fluency in the language of his most extreme supporters—he gave an uppity female reporter a remedial lesson in journalism: If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.
Morning lineup:
Meet the Press: Secretary of State John Kerry; Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY); NYC Mayor Bill de Blasio (D); Roundtable: David Brooks (New York Times), Radio Host Hugh Hewitt, Maria Hinojosa (NPR) and Baltimore Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake (D).
Face the Nation: Secretary of State John Kerry; Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY); RNC Chair Reince Priebus; Sen. Amy Klobuchar (D-MN); Roundtable: Peggy Noonan (Wall Street Journal), John Heilieman (Bloomberg Politics), Sherrilyn Ifill (NAACP Legal Defense Fund), Susan Page (USA Today) and John Dickerson (CBS News).
This Week: Secretary of State John Kerry; Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee (R); Sen. Mike Lee (R-UT); Former First Lady Laura Bush; Roundtable: Tavis Smiley (PBS), Democratic Strategist Donna Brazile, Bill Kristol (Weekly Standard) and Republican Pollster Kristen Soltis Anderson.
Fox News Sunday: Car Elevator Owner Mitt Romney; Sen. Robert Menendez (D-NJ); NFL Player Robert Griffin III; Roundtable: Brit Hume (Fox News), Kirsten Powers (USA Today), George Will (Washington Post) and Charles Lane (Washington Post).
State of the Union: Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY); Sen. Debbie Stabenow (D-MI); Rep. Marsha Blackburn (R-TN); Former Sen. Mary Landrieu (D-LA); Former Rhose Island Gov. Lincoln Chafee (D); Sen. Barbara Boxer (D-CA); Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC).
Evening lineup:
60 Minutes will feature: a report on the cyberattack on Sony Pictures (preview); an interview with U.S. Ambassador to Japan Caroline Kennedy (preview); and, an interview with former Duke University lacrosse coach Mike Pressler (preview).
On Comedy Central...
Jon Stewart weighed in on the "religious freedom" debate. (04/06/15)
The Daily Show:
Monday: Beastie Boy Adam "Ad-Rock" Horovitz; Tuesday: Author/Journalist Fareed Zakaria; Wednesday: Actor/Comedian Billy Crystal (PBS); Thursday: Author/US Navy SEAL Eric Greitens.
And Larry Wilmore examined Rand Paul's campaign launch and the Walter Scott shooting. (04/08/15)
The Nightly Show:
Guests TBD.
Elsewhere...
Bobby Jindal discussed a possible co-starring role in his presidential campaign for Duck Dynasty's Willie Robertson.
Jindal called Robertson "an icon, a cultural figure and a hero of many." So would Jindal consider Robertson as a running mate should he receive the GOP's nomination?
"Yeah, but that font's going to have to be reversed. It's going to have to be reversed. As a running mate? Sure, but as vice president — I assume that's what you're asking — not the other way around," Jindal told reporters with a grin, later adding: "He's a great guy, I think he'd be a great running mate. It'd be a huge pay cut for him, so I'm not sure he'd be willing to do it."
Meanwhile...
Tucker Carlson defended his family's good name against charges of misogyny.
"For some reason, inexplicably, I copied my brother. My beloved brother Buckley, and he wrote back a pretty nasty response… He accidentally hit reply all, and sent it back to her… All of a sudden, I was a misogynist because my brother wrote some mean email to this chick." [...]
"They wanted me to denounce my brother, my only brother. What am I supposed to do, disown him or call him a bad person for accidentally hitting reply? No, I'm not going to criticize a member of my family in public… I would die first. In no circumstances am I going to criticize my family in public, period."
And, speaking of charges...
Convicted felon Dinesh D'Souza opened up to Vanity Fair about what an awesome time he's having in prison.
Pimpin' ain't easy, but pimpin' while commuting from your La Jolla beach house to occasional evening confinement with a friendly roomie in a San Diego penal facility is jelly, according to convicted Ayn Rand interpretationist Dinesh D'Souza in a new bizarre video profile by Vanity Fair.
The piece teases a longer upcoming profile by Evgenia Peretz of the once-relevant Republican provocateur, who pled guilty last year to illegally dumping loads of cash on a joke of a New York conservative candidate with his mistress while he was president of an evangelical Christian college.
God bless America.
- Trix