Simply put, if George Santos is a perpetually lying chameleon his next move is that he should announce that he’s actually a liberal who ran as a hyper lying conservative shill as satire and that he is a huge fan of AOC and Bernie Sanders. And, of course, Drag Race, Ru Paul and Trixie Mattel. He could point out that every step of the way in his evolution as a Republican he lied about everything and was never stopped regardless of how absurd his story became. Mom dying at Ground Zero on 9/11? Of course that happened. Grandparents survived the Holocaust and he was Jewish? Sure they did and he meant he’s Jew-ish. And to install that unicorn horn: he’s a gay Republican! Seriously, he got the GOP to believe that they not only found a unicorn but found the one unicorn that also invented the internet, the blockchain and the polio vaccine but then became a censorship supporting, anti-vaxxer a few years later. Santos did this to point out how corrupt and supporting of lies the Republican Party is.
He’s proven the GOP premise is everybody is a liar and horrible so why deny it and instead profit off of it. They literally don’t believe Democrats hold sincere beliefs because they themselves don’t hold any sincere beliefs beyond their ability to manipulate those beliefs as tools to help them accrue power as proven by the GOP’s mercurial ideological purity tests where they went from licking corporations boots to wanting execute several large corporations like almost all of Silicon Valley and everything Hollywood represents to now any corporation with a halfway positive mission statement that says anything nice about the environment. The GOP is so corrupt they took in somebody who doesn’t believe a single thing they believe and is lying about everything.
Then Santos should begin voting and caucusing with the Democrats. There’s zero chance he’s getting reelected as a Republican. There’s not a good chance of him getting reelected as a Democrat but it’s a number definitely higher than zero because a lot of us Democrats love a good underdog story, an absurd whistleblower story and an excellent redemption arc that involves lots of therapy and self reflection. Remember this is satire, I’m not being sincere.
At this moment. Santos has basically zero backers. Nobody wants him to succeed. Perhaps his success trajectory will change if he decides to admit what he’s really been doing, which is showing how easy it is to infiltrate the beyond corrupt GOP even if every step of the way he lies about everything. It’d definitely be a far more interesting next chapter in his life than him pretending to be a hateful bigot so the hateful bigots don’t question his commitment to the cause and fighting investigations from the FEC. Interviews about how easy it was to fool certain Republicans will be fodder forever in our media ecosystem and that’s what he’d get if he turned on the GOP and switched parties. We’re already fairly curious about this story, if it took such an absurd twist at this point in the story it will become legendary. It might be breaking the kneecaps Tonya Harding legendary but it’ll be legendary damn it!
And yes this is satire but at the same time it isn’t because that’s how absurd life is these days. I would find it hilarious if Santos somehow read this and then used what I’ve written as a blueprint for his next chapter in life giving us one more vote in the House and the GOP one less. And McCarthy an even more precarious speakership. Why not do it, we know you aren’t a genuine conservative and just became one because you think it’s your ticket to status, money and power—it’s not your fault living in a capitalist system you took to heart the wrong lessons because half the planet is teaching those self serving lessons as the gospel. There’s always room for redemption. Santos posted a deep cut tweet about Trixie Mattel flopping during her horrible impersonation of Ru Paul on season 7’s Snatch Game; a deep cut that tells me he’s watching multiple seasons of Drag Race and that he’d be happier if he could show up to some political events in full drag radiating beauty and fierceness. Get into therapy George, start voting Democratic and have some fun with your life where you aren’t perpetually having to worry about juggling a million lies you’ve told. Wouldn’t it be nice to just be you instead of being what you think you need to be to succeed.
You can even lie and tell people you picked the name Santos in honor of The Simpson’s story about the family dog Santa’s Little Helper where he gets a credit card in the name of Santos L. Helper and Bart uses the card to buy all kinds of things and has to tell increasingly more elaborate lies about where his ill gotten gains have come from including winning a truth telling contest in a town two towns over. C’mon George, with a lie like this how can you not base the rest of your life on it and confess you’ve been a secret Democrat all along and that your last name is proof you’ve been trolling the Republicans.