And legal immigrants. And natural born citizens. And, you know what? I really couldn't tell ‘em apart.
For more than 20 years, I worked with a wonderful woman who was born in Mexico and whose father saved his money to bring their entire family over here legally when she was 9. She has a huge familia with many kids, grandkids, cousins, etc. They have been able to keep and hand down their heritage while still embracing the “American Way”. She considers my kids to be her kids, when my granddaughter was born she texted me and said, “We are grandmas!” So you know where we stand here, right?
She has also been my daughter’s biggest supporter as my daughter began and grew her professional photography business. She photographed all 3 quinceaneras, senior portraits, the works. Last Saturday, the daughter photographed a niece’s wedding (basically took a few hundred dollars and gave them the big money treatment. I went along to “help”.
Everyone first asked where the baby was. They wanted to see her and our excuses were that we wouldn't be able to work were met by the statement “everyone would have taken care of her”. And that is true. If you know anything about any Mexican family event everyone shows up with all their family members. (Or as my friend says, “everyone and their dog shows up".) I was surprised when I was told years ago that entire families go to a one year olds’ birthday party and stays the whole time. I only half jokingly responded by saying that white people view a birthday party as a free babysitting opportunity and drop the kid off and disappear for 2 hours. Yeah, we are close enough to talk like that to each other.
There were many babies there and if you saw one running around crying or getting into trouble, by golly there would be someone who would rush in, swoop them up and take care of them, no matter the relationship. Both sexes. Same with serving the dinner, clearing the tables, helping in any way. And people help with costs by sponsoring things like the music; my friend sponsored the photography, of course. We were somewhat recognizable from being at the 3 quinceaneras and some graduations over the years, but that wouldn't have mattered. When we walked in the door we were accepted 100%, no questions asked. Even though we were actually working, we were treated like royalty, swept over to a table, served food and drink, and asked throughout the night if we had everything we needed.
There was much good humor, dancing, (very) loud music, love, and family. I know some family members are here illegally because she told me a long time ago. Could I spot them? No. Could I even say sometimes who was born here and who chose to become a citizen? No. Was it important to me? No.
Why do I feel it is important to tell you this story?
I wanted to emphasize the culture and values this large extended family group brings to us. Family is most important to them. Hospitality to all. Sharing what they have and also sharing the responsibilities. The whole “it takes a village” concept is never more on view than when I have the honor of celebrating an event with these guys.
And the discussion my daughter and I had on the way home bothered me so much. We wondered who in their right mind would think that this culture with their family values, their willingness to accept a stranger into their midst without preconditions, their love of this country, would think these people posed a risk to America? That they would belittle them, yell at them to go home, seek to build a wall. We tried to be honest with each other about what would happen if we were at a gathering of Caucasians and an African American walked in the room. Would he/she automatically be welcomed and accepted? We could not answer yes.
I hope I am getting my point across without arrogance or my white privilege showing. That is not my intent. I am still naively confused, and angry, by bigotry, racism, homophobia, and misogyny. I do not understand people hating people for no good reason. Who let ignorant fear rule them. I see a group of wonderful people and do not understand why kicking them out or not letting them in helps us in any way. And I am not just talking about those not here legally. Many are worried that even legal citizens will be arrested, and they have been proven right.
I know I am asking questions that cannot be answered, probably. But it bugs me. It really, really, really bugs me. And I hate that it is happening more and more. I absolutely hate what we have become.
Thank you for letting me vent.
